It's Just Hard.

I hate.

*A/N* I wrote this long paragraph back in May (5/5/23 if we wanna get technical) and I figured I would share it here and get it tf out of my notes lol. I have been over this kid for months now and am much happier with someone else. Enjoy this long paragraph I sent to my ex about how much I hate him.

i hate everything about you. i hate how you still have such a strong effect on me and youve moved on. i hate how i still fucking care about you yet you still dont give a single fucking shit about me. i hate how im always looking out for you yet you're walking with her. i hate that everything has changed between us and it doesnt effect you. i hate how all of our friends come up to me saying i couldve done better and you didnt deserve me yet i feel like i cant do any better. i hate how youre doing the things we used to fucking do with her. i hate how people are telling me the way this will end yet i just have to sit back and watch. i hate that we still fucking talk and yet you remind me of fucking cameron. you text like him. you act uninterested just like him. i hate how it feels like im trying for no reason. how im running a race and there isnt a fucking finish line. i hate having to look back on memories and pictures of us thinking you probably dont care and youre glad that shit is over with. i hate how i let you be the reason to not kill myself. i hate how i believe that you loved me. i hate how naive i was and still am. i hate how i have no reason to be mad and crying and upset yet i still am. i hate how shes shit talking me as if i dont have a right to be upset. i hate how i treated you. i hate how i was during the relationship. i hate how long we lasted. i hate the fact we planned our whole fucking future together and now you get to experience it with a new person. i hate how you have to ability to move on so fucking fast as if i never mattered. i hate how you know so much about me and of my past and now you just hold that information. i hate how you've seen so much of me and now we barely see each other. i hate how you keep saying you still care about me and you still love me yet your friends are telling me the exact opposite. i hate how much this whole thing is fucking affecting me when it shouldn't be affecting me at all. i hate how i cant fucking sleep without being on ft with you and now i have to learn how to sleep alone again. i hate how i saw cam one time and the past just fucking ruins my future just like that. i hate how ive lost you forever. i hate that we cant even be fucking friends anymore because every time you fucking text me or talk to me i get sad because i know nothing matters anymore between us even though i want it to matter. i hate how my friends are telling me i need to forget you but i cant fucking forget you because i love you and i always will. i hate how you wont be there if my kids ever ask about me first love. i hate how my middle name isn't just a middle name and it was supposed to be our daughters name. i hate how you act like you care and you ask me questions like you do care but i know damn well you dont a single fucking shit about how i was doing or what tf is wrong with me. i hate that you were the only person making me feel loved and cared for and now i cant feel loved or cared for. i hate how i feel so empty without you but when im with you that emptiness leaves. i hate that i even thought we could try again. i hate that you can go through our fucking memories and be fine with it. i hate that I've written so much about how i fucking hate you yet i still fucking love you while you've moved on to someone else.

*A/N* As we start a new chapter, idk how often this book will be updated. I mean shit still happens so I might consider, I've just been really busy with school and stuff so I haven't had the time. Bare with me :) All the love xoxo