The Sermons of Vairāgi

True Love

Maanav-," I am falling in love with a girl, but I haven't talked to her even once.... I want to be her boyfriend."

Vairāgi-," What made you fall in love with her if you never talked to her then?"

M-," She looks beautiful... Probably the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life."

V-," It's probably the most stupid thing to get attracted to something that appears good or beautiful to you."

M-," I don't think so. I believe in love at first site. "

V-," Does she love you?"

M-," She doesn't even know me! How can she love me? However, it sounded nice..."

V-," Exactly... And you also don't know her. So how can you say that you love her?"

M-," I know her name is Vartika, and she is from Shimla."

V-," A stray dog lives near my house, and people call it Rocky. Can you love it now?"

M-," Idiot! Why would I love a stray dog?"

V-," Because I told you it's name and place where it lives... You were using the same criteria to justify your reason to love the girl.."

M-," She is a human! And a girl!"
V-," That's what I was waiting to hear. She is a girl. And you are a boy. You have testicles, where testosterone is produced, which makes you get attracted towards females. And the reason behind that, is purely biological- mating...."

M-," Mind your words! I am not a pervert! I aspire true love, beyond all this...."

V-," Fine then, tie her a Rakhi, and accept her as your sister..."

M-," You are such a wierdo.... Why would I tie Rakhi to a girl whom I love?

V-," You also love your sisters, don't you?"

M-," The love between siblings is different than love between a boy and a girl who are in a relationship!"

V-," And what is the main feature that differentiates them? "

M-," Okay... I hate to admit it, but it is sexual act."

V-," Very well! So what is the basic urge inside you that is making you attracted towards the girl?"

M-," Now I got it.... It is sexual attraction after all..."

V-," Go ahead... Talk to her.... If you know more about her, there would be greater chances that she will get into a relationship with you..."

M-," But if my urge is primarily sexual, isn't is wrong to...."

V-," We humans are social beings. We don't start mating directly just like animals, but there exists courtship, marriages and other ethics etc. "

M-," So what was the point of all this discussion?"

V-," So that you realise that you were not seeking love, but sexual satisfaction..."

M-," Which means, true love doesn't exist as per your philosophy, right?"

V-," I don't know a solid answer for this question at this point of time. What I believe is that this concept of true love encompasses sexual feelings as well, but they are dominated by platonic love, which is based on mutual care, respect and help.
However the age group in which we fall currently, has sexual feelings more stronger than platonic love... I suppose..."

M-," But what if I say that I will truly love a person, and not sexually? I am sure about this..."

V-," No one can be so confident of the future.... If you live with a person closely for an appreciable period of time, you get to know about their true nature...  In a nutshell, you easily see their flaws... Now everyone has flaws as we are not all perfect... Which makes your expectations break immediately, and then, you can't say if you will really end up loving that person truly.... I am not saying that everyone will start hating each other, but a majority of people do so.... The result you can see, is increased divorced rates, in the country as well as in the world..."

M-," You seem quite negative when it comes to relationships....Your approach is quite pessimistic, I believe...
Did you have a breakup in the past?"

V-," No, I have never been in a relationship in the first place. I have always been single, and loved this way of living...."

M-," Exactly! How can you tell about the pros and cons of relationship and love if you've never been in one?!"

V-," I have also never drinked or smoked, but I have enough statistical data to tell that these are dangerous for health."

M-," You are really crazy! You are comparing relationship with drugs and alcohol! Have some chill dude!"

V-," I know that both are extremely different... But just think, that being in a relationship will cost you financially, as we all know that spending money in a relationship is a must... Further you will have to devote sufficient time in order to maintain a relationship.... Also being in a relationship means that you will have to listen and many times even solve the problems of your partner, because it is a truth well acknowledged, that problems are there in everyone's lives...."

M-," Still, there are relationships that are successful! How can you blame relationships for everything?!"

V-," I am not against relationships or something... I just want to tell you that don't risk your time and freedom for sexual pleasure.... I already told you earlier to try to talk to her so that you know each other better..."

M-," Now tell me, why are you single?"

V-," Because no girl ever proposed me..."

M-," Only boys make the first move, man! Don't you know such basic rules?"

V-," Is there a rulebook on this?"

M-," I mean, this is understood.... Basic social condition."

V-," Okay...."
M-," If any girl still proposes you, won't you refuse?"

V-," Yes, without a doubt..."

M-," Doesn't matter how beautiful the girl is?"

V-,"Again you seek only attraction... I don't want any sexual pleasure so beauty won't be a determining factor for me...."

M-,"Okay then let's suppose she is mature and wise, still?"

V-," Again, I will become her friend, so that we exchange good thoughts and help each other..."

M-," You seem asexual... No offense by the way...."

V-," Asexuality is involuntary, but my goal of celibacy is voluntary."

M-," Sex is among the three drives, the other two being food and sleep."

V-," I will die if I won't get enough food or sleep, but that's not always the case with sex."

M-," Not always ?"

V-," I mean maybe sex in adeqaute amounts may help in proper brain development or growth, but I am not a neurologist so I won't claim anything about this topic..."

M-," Alright, it's time for me to go home... Bye!"

V-," Bye! "

Vairāgi to himself-," After all he realised that sugarcoating sex with true love in teenage is an act of immaturity."