The Spell Journal

1/3/2020

Well would you look at that, I'm back, once more, unfortunately.

I keep getting the nagging urge to continue this stupid damn book, so here I am. I don't understand why I'm even talking to myself in here, it's not like some goon is gonna pick this up one day and release it to the public like they did with that Anne Frank gal.

Or maybe, what do I know?

Anyways, new spell for the spirit folks watching me write in this lame, scraggly and boring leather book. How fun.

Igneous Pyrogranite

Before whatever ghosts watching me start yapping about me already having mentioned this in the first goddamn page, screw off, and shut up.

Anyways, I hate this spell.

Not because it's necessarily awful, or that it's annoying — which it is, by the way. But, it's the fact that this stupid fire rock charade of a blasted spell paralyzed my whole lower body when I was 14.

Fire rocks.

Paralysis.

A whole 4 months of paralysis, because ONE leg was snagged up by this rolling centipede of a wannabe no future volcano.

If you're wondering, you dumb spirits watching me write this with a nearly dry pen, Igneous Pyrogranite spawns a bunch of fire-composed rocks that rush towards its victim and snags them up, essentially crushing their bones.

Basically, a femur breaker and a guillotine had a child and it was this dumb bundle of rocks.

Personally, I'd call that the equivalent of a god's begotten miscarriage, I'd goddamn throw my child out, which unfortunately could be the case if I did give birth to a bunch of rocks between the natural order is screwed and unlike clownfish we can't just shift our biology, which is a total screw-up on our part.

The rocks usually come out of your feet when you stomp on the ground whilst activating the spell. So be careful before you fall and end up having to get an emergency vasectomy.

I don't have anymore to say about this dumb cluster of suspiciously hot amber, so you goons better be goddamn glad I hate sleep.

Pyrofreeze Venom

Look, the name is just as confusing to me as it is to you ghostly freaks, cause the second I finally get Spectralis Endocrystal or literally anything else from the Ectoplasm Family I'll shred all of you into ghostly pieces.

The premise of this whole strawberry banana smoothie spell is that you burn something or someone so hard you freeze them or it to death. The pronouns are respective as by the time the burn becomes a freeze an object starts living and a person has become actual ash.

The weird casting thing or whatever the hell just involves tapping someone really hard, or if you're a professional you can just send it someone's way. The folks in this area don't like this spell, because you know, it's damn near always lethal.

How do you survive this clusterfuck? Usually, you goddamn don't. Your opponent is a dirty player and uses this spell? You're done for, better start planning a funeral right there. Using this spell is a goddamn cheat code and I have no idea why this is even a spell.

You could theoretically survive if you use Nausea Repel, which I've barely heard of. There's also some weird antidote you could use, which in this awful world, works about half the time. Just freaking great.

Whatever, that's all I have on my mind, which I'm not even sure exists after drinking 3 shots of Barkwood Syrup at the tavern. So, Peregrine out, ya little freaks.