Broken, Imperfect

Chapter 11

It had been a month, and I hadn't left the hospital even once. I had planned on leaving the morning after the whole snappy incident we got into where I told him to get off of his high horse. It was so exhausting, and both Rian and my mom were worried. I ended up having Rian bring Austin and I's school work to us, and we sat quietly in the hospital room and did it. Rian even pulled some strings and approved Nya waiver form so I didn't get filed as a drop out. Jeez, Rian was a life saver.

Fortunately, the doctor came in and informed us that Austin was released today and his father had signed the papers last night before pulling some more springs. Crafty man Mr.Carlile is.

"Hello Alan!" Said a sugary sweet voice. I looked up from my work to see Ashleigh.

"Hi Ashleigh" I grinned. Jesus Christ she was gorgeous. Her eyes were so bright and pretty, and she was just so perky and sweet, not to mention her hair. I hadn't really noticed before, but it was a pale pink color that reminded me of cotton candy. Jeez, I need to chill.

"Like you've probably heard, you have special permission to give Austin his ride home. I know you guys' secret" she grinned, giggling slightly.

"Secret?" I said as a blush spread across my cheeks.

"You're not related" she whispered, grinning.

"Oh shit." I said suddenly. My eyes went wide as plates.

"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone. Be careful you two." she smiled. "I'll take the pillow and bottles and stuff. It's my job. Kinda" she grinned. She skipped over and grabbed it all, handing me my book. She kissed me lightly on the cheeked and smiled. "When Austin comes back for his last set of tests next week, I'll be here. I'll give you my number" she flirted before flouncing away.

"Why were you guys looking at each other like that?" Austin asked as soon as the door shut behind her. "Did you fail to tell her you're a faggot?" He asked.

I rolled my eyes and huffed. "Just because I'm a 'faggot' doesn't mean I can't be nice to people, and I'm not into her." I told him quietly. It wasn't at all a lie. I wasn't into her that way. I hope she doesn't think I am. I wouldn't want to hurt her. I mean, I'm not that special. I'm just me. Alan. A faggot.

I got Austin out of bed and helped him out as he sat back down in a wheelchair before I wheeled him down the hall and into the elevator. It was deadly silent other than the soft tinkle of elevator music playing in the background.

"Why are you being so quiet? I normally have to threaten you to get you to shut up" he said.

I shrugged even though he wasn't looking at me. I stopped pushing for a second to reposition my book under my arm, but I ended up asking Austin to hold it.

"Can you hold this, please?" I mumbled. He just snatched it and we moved on.

We got to my jeep and I was trying to help Austin stand. He refused help but once he got the right hold he was able to stand up with ease, and with minimal pain.

"Let's go" I sighed as I turned around to open the passenger side door.

"Not until you tell me what's got you all sour." He said to me snarkily.

"I don't have to explain myself to you" I told him just as snarkily as my hand froze on the cars door handle.

"If you want to be such a fucking sweetheart and drive me home or whatever, then yeah, you do. Wouldn't wanna be a douchebag, would you?" He said in a mocking tone.

"Y'know what Austin? I don't care anymore. Okay? Is that what you want? Do you want me to be an asshole? Do you want me to call you a fucking freak. Psycho? You like that? You fucking weirdo. Nobody will ever fucking like you. Is that what you want from me?" I shouted at him. "You know why I don't do that?" I was right in his face now. His eyes burned with such a concentrated anger, my knees felt weak. I had just awoken a new monster. I'd regret it, I know. I turned to the jeep and just put my hands against it trying not to cry. "You know why I don't fucking do it?" I repeated. "Because I don't want you to feel that way! I don't fucking want you to hate yourself. I don't want you to feel insignificant." Tears were sliding gently down my face. "I don't wanna be one of those people that makes somebody feel that way. I can't do that. I try so hard to be nice to everyone and to get along with people. What do I get in return?" I was surprised he had let me get this far. I knew I was going to get the shit beat out of me. But I was so into this. I couldn't go down with nothing to show for it. "I get pinned against a wall until I can barely fucking breathe." I cried. "I get called a faggot. I get snapped at and walked all over. Again. I can't fucking do it anymore. I'm so damn tired of feeling so low" I choked out the words towards the end. "So I'll be fucking sour if I want to. Get in the car." I told him before a quiet sob slipped from my lips.

The ride was silent as we reached his house. I texted his dad an update and said that we had arrived home and all before patiently waiting as Austin struggled to get out. I heard a sharp intake of breath, as if he had hurt himself. I hopped out quickly and bolted around to him. He was sitting in the edge of the seat, his eyes squeezed shit and a grimace plastered on his face. He groaned slightly which I didn't like. Yeah, he was an asshole, but for some reason I still cared about him. I shouldn't have gotten myself into this.

He glared up at me, still clearly angry, and I knew that he would give me hell just as soon as he could.

"Just let me help you" I said quietly. "I don't want to argue with you anymore" my voice dropped even lower.

He scowled at me but gripped my arm as he eased himself out of the car. His grip tightened and I bit my lip to avoid crying out in pain. He noticed, I know he did, but he didn't let up. His feet hit the ground and I gasped in relief as his grip loosened. I slung my arm around his waist and held his arm that he had slung around my shoulders and helped him walk up the steps and into his house.

"Well, your dad said. . ." I trailed off as I read the text. "He wants me to stay with you until Friday night because he has an important meeting in Washington and he can't miss it" I told Austin.

Austin groaned and slowly walked over to the couch staring at it dumbly. He couldn't sit down without hurting himself. I walked over and helped him sit without any gratitude being shown. I sat at the other end and tucked my feet underneath me.

"Good night, Austin." I said. No reply. "I'm a light sleeper, so if you need me just like yell at me or nudge me or something." I yawned before nestling into the couch cushion. No reply.

I closed my eyes and all I could think about was everything wrong in my life. Every single bad thing about me swirled around in my head like a storm. It was eating away at my mind, and I couldn't kill the thoughts. I thought of elementary and middle school. I thought of my dad never being around. I thought of me coming out in the future and what everyone would say. I thought of Austin and the way he treated me. The way he viewed me and the way he talked to me. I just felt so low, like Id never be good enough for anyone. Aaron left me, Phil left me, Tino left me. Austin won't give me a chance. If anybody have me a chance, they stuck around for a while, but they always left in the end. Always.

So I drifted off to sleep with all of those thoughts attacking me. Austin hadn't even seemed to move but I knew he wasn't asleep. Then he spoke.

"Night, Alan" he said, not unkindly.