Day One

Chapter 1: History (1)

CHAPTER 1

WHEN Erik first arrived in Nueva Castallon, he saw himself as someone seeking asylum. Exaggerated, sure, but at the same time, there seems to be no other way to describe his entire 10-year experience in Cabanatuan. How he was treated in the diocese was no different from the way prisoners were treated in prison, and he remembers feeling horribly persecuted the moment he decided to run away.

The short story is straightforward: his bishop, Ferdinand Ongtioco Saenz, hates him. Absolutely and devastatingly loathed him and anything that had to do with his existence. Ever since the first time they met, Erik sensed an unmistakable disdain glimmering in the bishop's eyes, as if he had committed one of the biggest sins in this lifetime. Saenz's animosity frequently manifests in questionable decisions whenever Erik's formation reaches a critical juncture.

A part of Erik thinks that it is because of his family. The Rocasolanos have always been involved in politics; his father, grandfather, great grandfather, aunts, uncles and cousins have held positions in their province for years, establishing their last name as a recognized political dynasty. And of course, such prominence invites adversaries, and for the Rocasolanos, their primary enemy is usually the church—the diocese, formally represented by Ferdinand Saenz.

And Saenz seems to have generalized the Rocasolanos that, even the young Erik who was raised well by the conservative, non-political branch of the large family, received a good part of his politically-induced wrath. When Erik decided to enter the seminary after high school, Saenz and most of the priests were not convinced. He was told that he was too young to enter the minor seminary, and looked a little intellectually challenged to even survive the basic standards of the seminary. He almost didn't make it, if it weren't for the recommendations of his high school teachers, good parish priests, some people that are somewhat close to the bishop. 

However, once admitted, his formators and spiritual directors were noticeably extra tough on him. The hardest questions were often thrown at his face, and his intentions were almost always meticulously questioned. Para siyang ex-convict na hindi na pinagkakatiwalaan ng lipunan sa takot na gumawa ulit siya ng krimen. He would even receive punishments for offenses he did not commit in the first place; kahit na simpleng nasa venue lang siya by chance, siya ang laging napapagalitan at napagsasabihan.

At first, a part of him thought (and believed) that the toughness was meant to be a part of seminary formation. Gano'n naman talaga; wala namang madali sa seminaryo. Hindi madali maging seminarista. If everything in the seminary were designed to be easy, then the seminary shouldn't exist in the first place.

It took him two years to realize that the toughness was, in fact, microaggression.

It was that hard realization that prompted him to decide to avoid Cabanatuan once he reaches Theology formation. If Philosophy was already unreasonably tough, then Theology wouldn't be any better. If anything, it could be worse. Baka mawalan na siya ng katinuan kung sa Cabantuan pa siya mag-aaral. 

Kaya mas mainam na sa Maynila na lang siya mag-Theology. Sure, he'll still meet some of his Cabanatuan formators every break, but four years in Manila still meant a little breather. The questions won't be as harsh, and nobody would always think that his actions have malice stitched into them. Manila feels like a small crack in a hardly sealed window that would let a bit of light come in, and God knows how much he'd give just to feel a bit of light in.

And so, Erik worked hard—hard enough to be able to pass the standards of someone who could be endorsed to seminaries in Manila. Never mind the formators' questions or even the rector's skepticism. His eyes were on the price and no one in the seminary could match his hard dedication. Eventually, all of it bore the sweetest fruits: he graduated as Summa cum Laude, Valedictorian of his batch, and Rector's Awardee. He even gained the respect of those who were initially hostile towards him.