Kyle the Apprentice Warlock

Chapter 11

10:55 AM September 13th 2026
Central Park, NY, Outside the National Museum of Unnatural Science and History

"What was that bit about doughnuts, though? You don't really think that they are the greatest food on Earth, do you?" His incredulity was offensive to Kyle as they passed by the Magic Tree Grove and the golem that guarded it. It was still passing out apples to passersby and that, as well as the question, made Kyle smile bigger.

"Doughnuts are the best food on Earth, and everyone knows it," Kyle assured his friend with a swagger and all the bravado he could muster.

"No, they aren't." The chef argued back. And I'm pretty sure that there are many people who do not even like doughnuts."

"Get stuff!" Kyle cried out in mock rage. "Everyone loves doughnuts, and if they don't, they haven't had the right doughnuts. Because Enchantress Doughnuts are bewitchingly good. Magic doughnuts, enchanted to be delicious. You know that no one can dislike them once they've tasted them." As Kyle repeated both the slogan of his favorite doughnut chain and the urban myth behind them the chef shook his head in amusement.

"I'm pretty sure that's illegal." He admonished.

"Nope. Not illegal to make it taste better, only to make it addictive." Kyle assured his friend, replacing his wallet and frowning as he felt something else in his pocket. Taking it out he saw that it was the unfinished apple from this morning, he picked a bit of lint off it and gave it another bite.

"Oh, man." His friend looked away in disgust. "You are a bachelor."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kyle protested with a full mouth, spraying a few bits of apple flesh as he spoke.

"Old half-eaten apple and doughnuts for breakfast?" He shook his head with disappointment this time. "Nobody likes doughnuts. It's a fringe food. That's why I'm the only one who will go with you to get doughnuts on break."

"You take that back." Affronted, Kyle paused in his walking and took a step back from his friend. "Doughnuts are gifts from the Gods and no one else comes with me because they just don't have enough self-awareness to understand that it's okay to indulge in your inner child and have doughnuts as an adult. They have to wait for someone with a more highly developed pallet and magnanimity to bring doughnuts into the breakroom for them. I just choose to have you come with me because I like you best and want to share the blessing with you directly."

"Right," Chef scoffed with a raise of his eyebrows. "If doughnuts are so great, I bet you couldn't even give one away to a stranger on the street let alone talk someone who wasn't me into going to get one with you."

"I could get anyone to come buy doughnuts with me." Kyle exclaimed. "Challenge accepted." Before the chef could blink, Kyle had strode off on a tangent and was approaching a woman pushing a stroller and wearing exercise clothing. She took out her earbuds and Kyle began animated gesturing as he was talking to her. Chef could not hear what he was saying but she shook her head, laughed, put her earbuds back in, and jogged off while Kyle was midsentence.

Undismayed, the apprentice warlock hurried up to the next closest person. The chef checked the time on his watch and began strolling after him. They had time. And this would be amusing.

Kyle was on his third person by the time the chef had caught up with him. A balding middle-aged man, who still had more hair than not, was listening avidly to Kyles's lurid and graphic descriptions of the doughnuts at Enchantress doughnuts. And Kyle was deftly luring him in the direction of the doughnut stand at a slow distracted amble.

"Even though they are plain glazed doughnuts, they are delectable. The sight of the creamy glaze dripping down through the hole of a fresh warm doughnut. Glistening with sweet sauce. You've never tasted anything so light and creamy. Sometimes I like to lick it off – "