Elle Williams life has been a struggle, her father is a alcoholic club member, and her mother is a deadbeat drug addict who pops back up once every blue moon, since the age of 16 Elle has done her best to raise her siblings. She has known jax since...
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I'm tired. I'm tired of everything.I can't catch a break, I feel like I'm drowning and every time I come up for air I'm down again.
I'm trying.
I really am trying to keep up this lie that I'm fine, that I don't need help and that im not tired of pretending to be okay. Inside all I want to do is cry but I keep it down, I force myself to not show it to others and it's not really fair on the kids. I've been doing it for years I guess it's just a habit now but it makes me numb, it makes me feel dead.
I'm getting worse. My depression is creeping up on me again, I feel it and my anxiety is through the roof. My medication isn't working but I guess that's what I get for having shit parents who don't give a shit.
Since 16 I've been having to worry about things I shouldn't have even thought about for a long time. When mom left, dad started drinking and then that led to him forgetting to go food shopping or pay the electricity bill and then things just progressively got worse and by the end of the next month he stopped coming home.
At 16 I should be thinking about college and what I want to do in the future but I realised fast that it wouldn't happen for me because instead of thinking about those things I was thinking about if I had enough money for the water bill the following week or how long will the groceries I just got last us till I'm worrying again.
The thing that hurts the most is that my dad was my favourite person in the world. He was so protective and kind, every weekend we would go out to the garage on the compound and he would teach me everything about bikes and cars for hours. It's hard to have to watch your dad be so involved with the club and he won't even take an hour out of his day to see the kids and he offers nothing, no support he's a stranger to us.
Aaron recently turned seven and Kai is five, I'm worried about the boys because they know Wren is their dad and they see him at the clubhouse or when we went to Gemma's for dinner but it's been like this for years.
It's different for Jesse shes two, she doesn't know anything and I've been the only constant in her life. One time my mom came back, two months later dad got her pregnant and she split a month later after she had Jesse and I've not seen her since. Jesse doesn't like many people so she's a clingy baby, anytime I leave her with neeta the club nanny she screams and It breaks my heart that I have to leave her. She can't sleep without being in my arms with her hand down my top and the grey blanket on her cheek, so she hardly naps through the day.
I'm both parents to them but sometimes, just sometimes I wish I was just their sister.
They deserve more, they deserve more of a childhood than the one I received.
I've never told anyone about the shit that's going on in my head, let alone my family. I don't see the point they have other things better to worry about and so do I.
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so excited to be writing this been wanting to write soa fanfic for a long time this is my first fanfic please don't forget to leave a comment on want you think please vote :)
