Their Thirst For Pride

Forrest Winslow - Four Years Ago

The warm light of the sun beated down on me as I slept. I woke up on my own time, unworried of anything I might have had to do and squinted into the bright light, feeling the gentle breeze brush my skin. Unsure of why my window was open, I got up to close it, yawning. I shut the window with a harsh nudge against the side of it, sending a gust of wind into my room. Behind me was the flapping of a paper and I turned around to see a letter lying on the floor. I thought it odd but went over to pick it up, slowly tearing it open. That was the moment my entire life fell apart.

Mr. Forrest Winslow,
You of all three suitors have been selected to marry Queen Lyra Vered of Emavaria. We would like to kindly like to invite you to the palace to sort some things out such as wedding arrangements and your knowledge of being king. We would love for you to spend some time here and get to know the queen some more. Congratulations.
Sincerely, The Royal Staff

   I cried. I couldn’t believe it- or more so didn’t want to. It was very believable. Being raised learning politics for your entire life leads a person to not doubt this kind of thing and even though I didn’t doubt this could happen, I chose to blind myself into thinking that I was never good enough to be a king. My entire life I was rarely chosen for anything. I watched as my siblings got to do other things while I was expected to stay home and study, keep my composure in public settings, be a gentleman. None of it was ever fair. I found comfort in painting. I found comfort in my Claire, my only true love. But that was gone now too. I had to split from her and I couldn’t even explain to her why. The whole thing was meant to be a secret. It was meant to be a secret until that crown was placed atop my head and I was declared king of Emavaria.
Lightheaded, I threw the letter onto the stool infront of my easel holding an empty canvas. Off I went to confront my family. Put on an act as I’d been taught to do.
I walked downstairs into the dining room where my mother sat, wiping down the table. She looked to me and smiled. Then, she practically ran toward me and threw her arms around my back.
“You did it, Forrest. I’m so proud of you. All of those years of hardwork paid off.”
The word “hardwork” made me sick. All of this was nothing but a business deal and I was just a pawn in the game to win it. Still, I pretended to be happy, saying things only to please my mother.

Later that day, when the sun was just beginning to set I left the house, claiming I had to stop by the supplies shop and headed off on my route to Emavaria. I had to make it a quick trip. I could never guess how I’d be punished if my having a lover was ever revealed.
After about fifteen minutes, I finally arrived in Emavaria, working hard to catch my breath as I calmly walked through the streets. I was already pushing the time I had. I walked as fast as possible with teary eyes watching couples walk with each other. The happiness that showed on their faces with their smiles and small gestures of the clear love they had for each other stung. It was like they were all doing it out of spite. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more jealous than I did then.
It was completely dark when I arrived at Claire’s residence. I stared at the door in the dim candlelight of the lanterns glowing upon it, hesitant. I took a deep breath and gently rapped at the door, hoping it was her who’d open it. Within a moment, there she was, standing in front of me. She was stunning regardless of what state she was in. But who was I to be thinking about that anymore?
Her eyes lit up when she saw me, “Forrest! What are you doing here?” She said, wrapping her arms around me.
I gently pulled away, a frown molded onto my face. “I think we should talk.”
She came outside, closing the door behind herself, brows furrowed, confusion in her step. “Why? Is something wrong?”
I could already see the hurt in her eyes as if I’d already broke the news and pierced through her heart.
Finally, I said, “I… I can’t love you anymore, Claire. It’s wrong for me to. And you deserve better, trust me.” I was so selfish to even fall in love with her with the situation I’d been unfortunate enough to be born into.
She began to cry a little, her voice shaky, “Why? I love you, Forrest. Did I- I don’t understand, did I do something wrong?”
I stayed silent, too ashamed- too afraid to speak.
“What is it!?”
“I told you. It’s wrong. I can’t stay with you, Claire.”
Just as I had said that, she walked back inside, the door slamming shut like a slap to the face.
Did I try too hard? Is it my fault I met the requirements? Maybe part of me wanted to feel a sense of victory when I got chosen. It felt like this was meant to happen, like I wanted it to happen even though it was my biggest fear at the same time. What is wrong with me? Claire never deserved me.