About F 2.0

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by Amaranthine98

by Amaranthine98

At times, I wish I'd taken up smoking
So whenever the thought of you haunts me
I can step outside,
Experience the sweet relief of that first drag
And tilt my head back, smoke on my lips,
And keep the tears from falling under a sky full of stars.

It did work, you know,
Being friends,
Despite the memory of your body on the tips of my fingers.
I took being friends over being nothing at all.

At times, I wish I'd taken up smoking,
To have the certainty of cutting my time missing you short
With every sweet drag,
Every look up at the stars.

I revealed the ugliest part of myself to you,
As friends do,
You promised your loyalty,
As friends do.

At times, I wish I'd taken up smoking,
If only to replace the addiction of thinking about you,
With a less poisonous habit,
Trading death for death.

You ran, ran from my ugly,
Showed me how vulnerability isn't worth it,
The ghost of you still lingers though,
Somewhere in the space between my heart and the wall I raised around it.

I do not hate you.
I do hate myself for ever trusting you.
I should've known,
I will know.

At times, I wish I'd taken up smoking,
Blurry night sky with smoke on my lips.
My kingdom with walls of stone and thorns,
A hidden door for you to slip in.