In A Week I Will Be Dead

Chapter Four: Malfunctioned

!!!TW!!!

Brief mention of suicide, unkind thoughts

IF YOU ARE STRUGGLING, CALL THE SAMARITANS ON 116 123 <3 <3 <3

Myself

Not giving too much away, I live at my school. A bursary school kid. I prefer it this way; I don't have to come into contact with my parents, so they can't see the bruises. Or the scars. Or the discontent. I lied when I said I was new to the school. But it's easier to pretend you're new. It helps the pain settle and briefly disappear from the surface. I am not new, I have been here for a while, but because nobody notices me it's easier to accept I just arrived. I tend to sugar-coat my existence a lot.

The truth is that I don't think anybody sees me. They know of me, they are aware I'm there, but when it comes to actually existing I'm simply not there. It reminds me of a chapter in this typey letter book thingy I'm doing.

Being ignored:

Now the main thing that greatly annoys me as a person is when people ignore you. Like you're speaking and they interrupt, or they stay silent when you have spoken and then a few seconds later burst out laughing. I just want to let all those people out there who enjoy cutting people off that you don't even deserve to read this and should therefore give it to a nice person to read. If you're still reading this book those rude people then understand that what I am about to say next is very important and...

Exactly, point proven, it's not cool. Not being able to know what was about to be said. Imagine this: you have something important to say, you begin the sentence and somebody cuts you off. You may be thinking that that's fine. Do you want to know what the other person feels? Worthless because what they were about to say is not regarded as important and therefore the person categorises themselves as worthless.

To continue this train of thought I would like to mention the laughing element of speech. If a person talks about something serious without a sarcastic tone, then more often than not it was never meant to be funny. If you giggle at what they just said you will make the person feel awful, like what they just said was stupid. They themselves will then feel stupid and go silent for the rest of the conversation as not to make the same error again. Then they might go silent for the rest of their life. However, there was never an error in the first place and that the listeners were just being total dicks.

As you may have noticed I have kept this non-gender specific because I don't want people knowing who wrote it. I don't want people viewing me different than how I already am. I don't want them coming up to me and saying things like 'are you okay?' or 'do you feel happy' because I will get sick of it the empty sympathy. Of course I'm not fucking happy, what do you want, a fucking medal? A podium? A banner which reads 'HUMAN BEING OF THE YEAR'? In conclusion, my identity will remain a secret and the name on the cover will be probably made up. So, in theory anyone could have written it, and so you will view the world in a different light as you will always be thinking 'did they write the letters?' and will be more concerned about their welfare. I'm just trying to make the world a better place. But there will always be those people out there that just want to spread fire.

People confuse me. They keep their emotions locked away and throw away the key. However, I can see right through their charades and see what they really feel. I love doing this because I can always help a person if I know something is definitely wrong. Unfortunately, I think I am one of the last of my kind as nobody really cares about other people anymore. The fake 'how are you?' is another sentence for 'I like you, so by social reform I must ask you this question so you can continue to like me further and thus extend our relationship'. Ask it and mean it, listen to their answer, and please, don't tell anyone else unless they tell you it's fine to do so. And don't ignore them either.