"Dear Sal, Save me."

chapter 1. "loopholes"

Lunch was my favorite part of the day. I didnt get to eat regularly at home. I sat at a table, alone, at the edge of the cafeteria. Sals table was three down. I tried to keep my distance. I still wanted to be able to look at him though. Today was not bologna day, a tragedy. My tray was filled with fried chicken and gross soggy mashed potatos. There was a fifty-fifty chance of my milk being expired or slimey. I keep my head down after eating half of my lunch. I hear the sound of sneakers shuffling towards my table. I shift my head in my arms so that my eyes peek out. Its Sal. Larry too. "Uhm hey,, wait!" I call out to them. They look over as I slap my hands over my mouth. I have no idea why I did that. "Travis?" Sal asks as Larry is giving me a dirty look. "uh, I just wanted to tell you how dorky your hair looks today!" I laugh slowly and nervously. "Shut up Travis. Just because you dont like yourself doesnt mean you have to insult others." Larry blurts out. Ouch. Its true, but it still hurts to hear. "yea.." I agree, looking away. Sal and Larry look at each other, obviously stumped as to what was happening. Shit. Why did I do this. "See ya around Travis." Sal waves, and walks off behind Larry. I think hes just saying that to be nice. But, it would be nice to see him later.
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Lunch was now over, I am now sitting in my homeroom class. Sal isnt in this one. I grab my notebook out. The front reads: "DO NOT READ" underlined in bold red lines. Im gonna write a letter to Sal. I need to tell him how I feel, NOT IN A ROMANTIC WAY. Im not sure how true the statement is. The words start to flow. My pencil is scratching the paper and the words are exploding onto the page. I finish, the note reads: "I know we don't really know each other and you probably have your opinions of me. I thought maybe if I told you how I feel, things could be different. The truth is, I can't stop thinking about you. I'm crazy about you. I think you're amazing! But I know these feelings are wrong. It's not the way a boy should feel. Shame swallows me whole. My father would kill me but I can't live in his shadow forever I just..." I scribble out the rest of the note. I didnt want to read the rest. my hand grips the page and I rip it out, it wrinkles a little. Surely these are just feelings of companionship, not romance. I cant have a crush on Sal, a crush.. on another guy. My dad would kill me. Its not holy. I have to be holy. I stuff the page into my folder and put it into my backpack.
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When I arrive home I am greeted by my father in the doorway. Great. "Get inside and do your homework, then its time for the chores. if you do not get these tasks done there will be severe consequences." I look my dad in the eyes as he talks to me, as a way of challenging him without actually getting myself into trouble. "Okay father." He scoots out of the doorway and I walk inside and up to my room. I complete my homework, and move on to the chores. I clean the dishes, take out the trash, and tend to the small patch of garden flowers out back. They used to belong to mom, but I take care of them now. Im done with the chores. I run up the stairs, skipping two at a time. My father looks at me as I go up, his eyebrow raised in suspicion. I have a phone, nothing fancy, but it works. My father checks it every night before I go to bed. If theres something he sees that he doesnt like I get punished. I always clear the history and get rid of apps that would get me in trouble. I jump onto my bed and open my social media apps, I have guest accounts to browse freely. I check up on people from school. It usually ends up with me checking Sals accounts. I just want to know what hes up too. He posted a picture of Larry, Ash, and him. They were at a public park near the school. I scroll through his account on all of my social medias for about an hour more.
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Its around six pm. Its time to take a shower and get ready for bed. I throw my phone onto my bed and walk out of the room. I take a 15 minute shower. I dont brush my teeth yet because dinner is later. I dry off and change into a white undershirt and some navy blue shorts that reach just right below my knees. I flip my head over and dry my hair with my towel. I then hang it up and leave the bathroom, I walk back to my room. "Father? What are you doing in here?" I take a step back in confusion. "You were acting suspicious earlier, so, I went ahead and checked your phone." He curls his hands into fists as hes talking. My head starts to spin. I didnt clear my history after browsing Sals socials. "So, Travis, would you like the explain to me why you were checking out that young mans profile?" I shake my head slightly. He walks over to me. He grabs my face with his hand, hard. "Dont do it again. are we clear?" He looks furious. "Yes,, father." He lets go of my face and uses that hand to push me down by my chest. I land on my back, my arms out on each side. He kicks the side of my face, walks over me, and flees out of my room. I pick myself up, I wont get dinner tonight. I walk over to my bed, put my phone on the side table, and lay down. I fall asleep quickly.