Just a wander in the Park

Story of My Life - Part 1 - The Power of Lemons

When i went for a lil stroll today i noticed lemon fly across my face. 

"What in the world?" i thought to myself. Looking around to see what in the world made this lemon appear i noticed a herd of people. In their hand were yellow things. "Lemons?" i thought.

 Thats when a rowdy woman threw the yellow looking thing straight at my leg. 'SPALT!!!!". It wasn't a lemon, but a mashed banana. "WHAT THE FREAK!" i yelled. 

The herd started to run towards me yelling "KILL THE RAINBOWS!" "THE GAYS NEED TO PRAISE!" "WE DON'T WANT ANY POOFS STROLLING ON OUR LAND!". 

I was in bemusement. "Im gay?". I thought hard, trying to remember when i came out. "When did this occur? And why did no one tell me?" i wondered to myself. 

To clear up this catastrophe in my head, i quickly grabbed a random girl that was walking past. I lifted her by her shoulders to my height and smashed my lips on to hers seeing if their was any spark.

 "Yuck!" I said, spitting the kiss of my lips. "Definitely not gay then!" I chuckled to myself, placing the girl back on the ground. 

"Shes a minor you pedo!" yelled the mother of the child. 

"Your right!" i said back to the woman "I need to test it on a fully developed set of lips". 

Before the woman could even respond, i grabbed her by the collar and collided my lips to hers. 3 seconds in to the smooch, bile rose up my throat and projected into mine and the womans mouth.

 "I think that definitely clears things up then" i say to the woman as she starts to dry retch on the ground.

 "WHAT THE FUC-" the woman starts to say before i karate chop her to the ground. "Don't give me sass please, thats homophobic" i say down to her. 

Turning away from my failed fruity test i notice the herd of homophobic homosapiens gaining closeness to me, still throwing their mashed bananas and spewing hateful words. 'Im not gay gang!" i call to the double H's "but you still shouldn't be hating on my favourite coloured flaggers!". 

They still continue to pelt their mash at me, confusing me on their ignorance. "I told them my un-gayness sexuality why are they still hating on me?" i wonder.

 When they become only 3 and half metres away from me i raise my hands in front of them in a God-like way. "Hey now brown cows! Why the hate? Lets all just celebrate! We can turn ur mash into banana cake and give ur hateful words to the birds? Lets be friends and all share our hens!". My words hit them like a brick wall, they are stunned at my inspirational words and knowledge. But sadly it does not hold.

 "NO! We hate the gays and want to destroys those candy canes! They stole our favourite color's and took it for themselves" cries a woman from the crowd. 

"And they wont share it either! The other day i painted my house rainbow and i was bamboozled by many bystanders asking if they could come to my coming out party! I just painted my house because i like rainbow, but somehow the gays get all the praise!" Hurled another man. 

"Wow gang i think yall need to calm ya farms. Its really not that big of a deal. Lets just all let everyone live in peace and harmonicas hey?". 

"NO! WE MUST KILL DEM QUEERS AND TAKE BACK OUR RAINBOW" the crowd starts to chant. 

I am definitely an ally i think to myself and i support everyone but i really dont want to be killed. "Well their aint no queers here lads! I'm straight as a ruler!" i call to the crowd. 

'We know! Were not coming for you! We only stopped because of your confident and intimidating stance" they call back. Who could they be herding towards then, i wonder. 'Were after him" they all point to someone behind me.

 I quickly start to fear for the person behind me, ready to start defending him and throw fireballs into the double H's herd. I spin around to see the vulnerable rainbow. "After him!" the crowd yells galloping towards him. I start to run to the boy to save him but then i recognize him.

 Its my brother.

 I stop in my tracks and chuckle to myself. Well he brought this on himself, i think. I turn away from the rat i share DNA with and wander over towards the closest park bench.

 I sit and watch on as my twiggy gay brother fights the herd with his uncool samurai sword skills. As i enjoy the show i notice a duck waddle past me, heading towards a lemonade stand.

Ha!, I say to myself, my brother is too busy fighting the double H's to notice me steal his lemonade!. I trail behind the duck and head to my brothers lemonade stand, eager to drink up, and curious to have a chat with the yellow duck about his life journey.