Poems of a Depressed Teenager

Bowtie

I am five years old
In my house there's
Mummy, Daddy, my big brother and my little sister
Every Sunday we go to church
Mummy has just bought me my first suit
She calls it my 'Sunday Best'
There's navy blue trousers and a blazer, a white shirt with buttons and a crimson bow tie
Mummy helps me put it on,
I wriggle and squirm, but I love it
"Come over here!" Mummy says
She still needs to put on my bow tie
She ties it up and we look in the mirror, side by side
Mummy in her flowery dress and me in my suit.
She calls me a little gentleman.

I am six years old,
Mummy says I grew a lot so I need a new suit
This one is still navy blue
But this one has fancy little buttons on the blazer
I keep the same bow tie
I try to do the buttons on my shirt but I can't do it
Mummy helps me
She ties my bow tie and pecks me on the cheek
I dance around and Mummy scolds me
"You'll pull a stitch!"
She says.
I look into the mirror and Mummy gives me a hug
Her familiar perfume and her flowery dress

I am seven years old,
I didn't grow much this year!
So I still have the same suit
Although it's a little bit short in the legs
I hope I grow next year.
I can finally do the buttons on my shirt
But Mummy still does my bow tie
(Mostly because I can't do it myself)
She still wears her flowery dress
She finishes my bow tie and pecks me on the cheek
I grin
All pink cheeks and dimples

I am eight years old,
I grew so much this year!
I'm actually the tallest in my class
Mum says I'll be as tall as Dad soon
And he's really tall.
I definitely had to have a new suit.
This one is still navy blue and the same bow tie
Although blue isn't my favourite colour
But Mum says it looks nice.
Grandad taught me how to do my bow tie
But Mummy- I mean Mum- likes to do it herself
Which is a bit embarrassing since im eight years old
But I let her do it anyway
She is still wearing the same flowery dress
The black one with little pink flowers.

Im nine years old,
Mum isn't very well,
She was in the hospital for a bit,
But she's out now.
I didn't grow so I still have the same suit.
When I was younger, I would wear my school shoes
But Mum bought me proper shoes
And always says how much I look like my brother
I don't see it.
Mum still does my bow tie for me
She coughs a little bit but puts on a sad smile
"Look at my little boy," she says
"All grown up"
"Muuuuuuum!" I groan
But I still let her give me a kiss on the cheek
She still wears her flowery dress with sensible black heels.

I am ten years old,
Mum says that it was an important birthday
"Double digits!" She exclaims.
I didn't grow again this year
It's sooo annoying
Because now I'm not the tallest in my class
Mums getting better now
Although I don't understand what was wrong with her
But she hasn't been in the hospital at all this year.
She says that my suits getting a bit short in the legs but it'll last me a couple months
I get on my suit and go into Mums room so she can tie my bow tie
She does it and I notice how I'm nearly as tall as her.
"This ties getting a bit shabby," she says
"I like it,"  I respond.
It is quite shabby but I've had it since I was five and I feel as though it's kinda become apart of me.
Mum pecks me on the cheek and sends me on my way

I am eleven years old,
I was made a prefect for my last year at primary
Mum beamed when she had heard the news
I finally grew again
(Only three inches but shhhh)
I have a new suit
It's still navy but I notice it's a shade darker
And I of course keep my crimson bow tie.
Mum is back to her normal self.
She comes into my room to tie my bow tie
Like every Sunday.
She pecks me on the cheek when she finished
I give her a hug and leave to get my shoes on

I am twelve years old,
I started high school and everyone complains about the blazers
But I'm used to it because of every Sunday
And guess what?
I'm finally taller than Mum!
I had to have a new suit again
And it's still navy blue.
I got into Mums room so she can do my bow tie
She's lost quite a bit of weight
But she is still wearing the same flowery dress
But it clings to her body oddly.
She does my tie
But it's a bit wonky and she took a while
But it's ok.
She pecks me on the cheek
And I give her a gentle but fierce hug.

I am thirteen years old,
And I have my first girlfriend!
My brother makes fun of me
But my little sister loves her
The first time my mum met her,
It went so well and now she comes around every Friday night for tea.
But that was before Mum got much worse
Her health declined rapidly so she spends nights in the hospital.
Luckily, the hospital where she was staying was on the way to church
We would drop in so she could do my bow tie
It was awkward because she couldn't stand up
But she always try's so hard and I'm so proud of her for how well she's doing.
She couldn't give me a kiss on the cheek
And her flowery dress remains in her wardrobe

I am fourteen years old,
Mum has been moved to a hospice.
I'm so scared but she'll be okay, im sure.
Im still with my girlfriend
We celebrated our one year at my house
But we went to see Mum in the hospice.
Dad buys my suits now
But every Sunday
We leave a bit early to go to the hospice
Mums hair is gone
And she's so pale
She still tries her best to do my bow tie
And although it's wonky and loose
I don't alter it.
She cups my face
"My handsome boy," she croaks
I smile a sad smile,
Instead of her giving me a kiss,
I give her one and a long hug.

I am fifteen years old
I get on my suit
This one's new too, but this one's black
I put on my own black bow tie.
I get in the car,
The drive to the church is silent
And the sky is grey when we get there.
We enter the church.
The priest says some words which go into one ear and out the other
My brother, whose now twenty-one, says some words two.
Other people who I don't know read from books too.
I finally get up and walk to the altar.
I fish out a piece of fabric from my blazer
It's my crimson bow tie
And I lay it, ever so carefully, on the black casket.
Just above Mums name.