what he left - tom kaulitz

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 42

#Tom's POV:#

"You bitch! Why the fuck would you do this to yourself?" I gently rubbed her face and kissed her. I watched Bill as he turned on the shower. He came back over to me and pointed to the shower. 

"Get her in. Stick 2 fingers into her mouth until she throws up. Now!" He shouted as I sat there, confused. I nodded my head and got up, dragging Savannah's still body into the shower. I put 2 of my fingers together, trying to figure out how to make her throw up.

"How do I do this?" I said frantically to Bill as Gustav and Georg watched in horror. 

"Are you fucking stupid? Hold her hair." Bill slipped his rings off and handed them to Gustav. He slapped my hand away and stuck his fingers into Savannah's mouth. I held her hair and shut my eyes. I hated the fact that I probably caused her to do this. All of a sudden, I heard a disgusting splash sound and Savannah's coughing. 

"Oh thank God," I whispered, looking up at the ceiling and letting a puff of air out. Savannah threw up a few more times and laid back on me, taking deep breaths. 

"I wish you let me die." She panted out. 

..........

#Savannah's POV:#

"Can I get you anything else? Water, food?" Tom said sweetly, tucking me into bed. 

"I want water. And to be alone." I said, turning away from him. 

"I don't trust you to be alone anymore, so you're only getting water." He walked out of the room as Bill walked in, bringing me a bowl. 

"You need to take this pill. It's gonna make you throw up but I need you to throw up a few more times to get everything out of your system." Bill handed me a small orange pill and the bowl for me to throw up in. Tom came back in the room handing me a glass of water. I took the pill with a sip of water. I set the glass down on the nightstand, looking at the bottle of pills Tom had put back. he picked them up and handed them to Bill. Bill left the room with the pills, closing the door behind him. 

"What's wrong with you?" Tom asked, sitting on the bed. 

"I'm fine. Nothing's wrong."

"You just tried to kill yourself. What's wrong?"

"You promised you wouldn't hit me again. You promised. You were so sweet before, and now you're going back to the old Tom. The Tom I hate."

"Don't say that. Don't say you hate me." Tom said, looking sad and taking my hand, kissing it. 

"I'm not saying I hate you. I'm saying I hate the Tom you were before." I held his hand tightly, resting my head on the bed. 

"I know. And I'm trying to do better, but it comes out sometimes. I love you, Savannah, I really do.  But sometimes, I just can't handle it and I hurt you. It's just who I am."

"Hitting me is your personality? Seriously, Tom?" I took my hand away and rolled my eyes. I began to feel the pill that Bill gave me as I became nauseous. 

"I didn't mean it like that. I mean that I get angry a lot and take it out on you. I'm sorry." As he spoke, he took deep breaths, trying to stop myself from throwing up. 

"Hold my hair."

"What?!"

"Just hold my hair up!" I shouted and grabbed the bowl, puking in it. When I was done, Tom let go of my hair, handed me water, and took the bowl. 

He was gone for a few minutes because he went downstairs to clean the bowl, so I  rested on the pillow closing my eyes. I began to fall asleep, but I heard Tom come back in. He quietly shut the door and set the bowl down. He walked towards me and lay in the bed next to me, spooning me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my jaw. He buried his face in my hair and kissed the back of my neck softly. 

"I know you're probably asleep, but I just wanted to say I love you. I know I say it a lot, but I mean it. I've never told anyone I love them except Bill, but the way I love Bill is different. I love Bill because he is my brother but I love you because you're gonna be my wife one day. You are the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on, and I can't believe you stayed with me. I know you hate me right now, but I love you more than ever. I am so proud of you for surviving, Savannah. I know you don't want to live right now, but I need you to keep going. I need you to argue with me every day, I need you to roll your eyes at me, I need you to hate me, I need you to piss me off, but even more, I need you to love me. When you wake up, I hope you'll forgive me for everything I've done and just tell them you love me. I want to be able to touch you again. I want to hug you again without you pushing me away or flinching. I want you to say how much you love me with that sparkle in your eyes. That's what keeps me going, Savannah. All I need is you, forever." He whispered and I felt a tear on my shoulder. His tear. 

"I love you," I whispered back, turning over and hugging him.