Thursday, December 7 at 12:00 AM
A year and six days, 371 days, 8,904 hours, 534,240 minutes and 32,054,400 seconds. They are written differently, but all mean the same. Fine, excellent, and great all mean good. Awful, terrible, and horrible all mean bad. Those numbers are the time I spent loving you. The time I spent admiring you as a person(not in a creepy way), which people could say is love. It might be, but you'll never know how I feel. I can't talk to you in person and struggle to even text hi to you. I was afraid that one word can mess everything up, everything we built, every one of the awkward moments in the past(not in a wrong way) I tried to move on from and avoid. I can't even hold eye contact with you, not even a hi. My whole body holds me back while my soul struggles to escape from this jail.
A YEAR AND 6 DAYS
From start to end, how long we've known each other. The more I break this down, the more meaningful it is. Six days ago was the first anniversary of us knowing each other for precisely 365 days.
371 DAYS
How long I've loved you and how much you meant to me, broken down into days. How long you have been stuck in my mind and still are; the strong admiration I have for you.
8904 HOURS
How long I spent thinking of you, wishing and hoping you were okay. Every time you would text that you were out, I prayed for you due to our dangerous world.
534240 MINUTES
Almost every minute, we texted. Every single minute of it, I loved it and enjoyed every moment of it. During those texts, we had meaningful conversations. All of the times you had fun, I heard of videos and photos of how you spend your life. I watched and learned from them as a glimpse of you.
32054400 SECONDS
How long I held on for you. Every day, I felt like I was losing myself, everyone drifting far away from me. But you stood in my darkness like a bright light, shining through the shadows of the night. You helped me persevere and made me the better person I was.
I'm sorry I ended it all, me. I couldn't keep pushing. The pain every single day was unbearable. Overthinking and messing up on so many things shattered me. I would critique myself, my body, my voice, my face, everything. You will always be in my heart. You were the reason I motivated myself to be my best self. You made me smile, laugh, and love. And I cannot thank you more for that. This was how long I loved you for, and how long I held on until I ended myself.
But you should know one thing,
I love you.
