Fa's delusional world

goodbye is the end?

We used to share such delightful moments after arriving home; waiting eagerly for his texts once he returned from coaching classes became a comforting routine. Life was filled with laughter and joy, a pleasant escape from the mundane. However, as the calendar pages turned, so did the dynamics of our connection.

The highlight of my 2023 was undeniably the enchanting days of October and November. I found myself captivated by him, and his presence became a form of therapy for my emotional and melancholic soul. Despite my tendency to quickly get upset, he had an uncanny ability to make me smile. Even his not-so-funny jokes had a magical way of eliciting laughter from me. His unique gestures set off a flutter of butterflies in my stomach, making it a venue for an animal marathon.

I was drawn to the quirks that defined him—the peculiar hairstyle, the endearing yet unkind habits. There was something about him that turned my idle grins into foolish smiles. However, as life often dictates, things take an unexpected turn.

Towards the end of November, a thoughtless comment slipped from my lips, leaving a momentary rift in our connection. I hadn't meant to be rude, but words have a way of escaping without a second thought. He responded by playfully teasing me, but it was more than I could bear. Frustration built up, and in a fit of annoyance, I accused him 

"stop pretending not to care while meddling in everyone's affairs."

Flashback to an era where he had cultivated a reputation for his 'I don't give a fuck' persona throughout his school life. This facet of his personality, admired by girls, was characterized by an air of nonchalance. He had mastered the art of staying aloof, never meddling in the affairs of others, assuming the role of a quiet observer. Yet, when it came to me, the narrative took an unexpected turn.

In an instant, his expression changed, his face turning into a stoic mask devoid of emotion. Regret washed over me immediately, but pride prevented me from retracting my words. I walked away, feeling the weight of my own harshness. From then on, his gaze followed me like a silent spectator, and an inexplicable fear crept in.

 I couldn't let the discord linger. A girl like me, caught in the intricate dance of love, couldn't let her ego overshadow everything. Swallowing my pride, I reached out to him, seeking forgiveness through a heartfelt message. The fragility of our connection hung in the air, and I hoped that my sincerity would mend what my rash words had momentarily torn apart hoping to bridge the gap my words had created. His reply, unexpectedly kind, gave me butterflies, a flutter of hope that maybe this was the beginning of something new.

But instead, it ended with a goodbye.