𝔹𝕒𝕔𝕜 𝕋𝕠 𝔹𝕣𝕠𝕠𝕜𝕝𝕪𝕟 | Bucky Barnes (ON HOLD)

21 | In the Stars

With a whiskey bottle drain down to almost nothing, and barely a sip's worth of the amber liquid left in his glass, Steve raised it to his lips, downing it quickly, feeling it burn the back of his throat. He was almost numb to the smell of ash and fire that filled the bar, most of its wooden furniture crushed beyond repair. Even the door was gone from its frame, leaving an open space for anyone to wander in.

Just another innocent place destroyed by someone else's war.

It was a miracle to find that the alcohol was left behind the bar, not that it did him any favours. He felt like a joke as he sat there, failing any attempt at drinking away his sorrows, his grief. In his black button up shirt and moss-green tie, he looked down at his front, seeing badges and medals pinned to the materiel. And he scoffed, almost in disgust, pouring the last of the whiskey into his glass, and taking a huge gulp.

How could he wear those medals anymore? How could he wear the Captain America uniform? How could he keep pretending he was the great hero of the war, when he failed one of the two most important people in his life?

Careful footsteps treaded over the pile of rubble where the door had once stood. Steve was startled, his head turning as Peggy Carter slowly made her way over.

He turned away again, and she stood behind Steve, giving the blonde plenty of space. Her heart clenched as she watched him sit in silence, his glassy blue eyes peering at the glass in his hand. Tears had left trails down his face, the skin around his nose and eyes bright red.

"Doctor Erskine said that the serum wouldn't just affect my muscles, but affect my cells," Steve mumbled, his voice made nasal by his sniffled cries. "Create a protective system of regeneration and healing. Which means... I can't get drunk. Did you know that?"

"Your metabolism burns four times faster than the average person," Peggy stated, picking a barstool up off the floor and dusting it with her hand before sitting down. "He thought it could be one of the side effects."

As she sat across from him, she took in the sight of him. Heartbreak written all over his face, dark rings under his eyes. Tears were still flowing in an unsteady stream down each of his cheeks as he refused to look anywhere but down at the table.

Peggy sighed to herself at the blonde's silence. She wished she could have done more for him, wished she had spent more time trying to know Steve better over the past two years. Maybe she could have helped him more if she had. Alas, she knew there was only one person who he needed, and that person was just as isolated as him.

"Steve, Elenora hasn't come out of the trailer since you left," she said quietly, noticing how Steve turned his head enough to show he was listening. "She hasn't talked or eaten in hours. She needs you now. And you need her too."

"Does she?" Steve croaked out, fresh tears flooding his waterlines. "Her husband is dead because of me."

"It wasn't your fault," she spoke softly.

"Did you read the report?" Steve asked shakily.

"Yes."

"Then you know that's not true."

"You did everything you could." Peggy was clear with her words, hoping that her belief in what she was saying would get through to him somehow. "Did you believe in your friend? Did you respect him?"

Steve glanced up for just a second, lightly nodding his head.

"Then stop blaming yourself. Allow Barnes the dignity of his choice. He damn well must have thought you were worth it."

He couldn't bring himself to talk or look back up. He knew the British agent was only trying to comfort him, but she was wrong. Even if what Peggy was saying were true, Steve wouldn't be able to live with it. Never would he accept that somebody he loved would die for him, especially Bucky.