The Rockmore House

Bonus | Rockmore House, Christmas Eve

He was going to stop. By New Year's Day he'd give this up for the second-and the last- time. But when the girl you were in love with chose to spend Christmas Eve with a so-called "friend" who was obviously gone on her while you stayed behind with a bunch of strangers, you deserved a cigarette.

Pete found a bench near the old white barn where he could smoke out of sight of everyone inside the house. He watched the falling snow swirl chaotically in the floodlight over the driveway and wondered what the hell he was doing.

He had made a rash decision to give life in the future a try, one that he'd only admit to himself may have been influenced by whatever drugs they had him on at the hospital. But drugs or no drugs, when the girl you saw only in your dreams for over two years stood in front of you close enough to touch and suggested that you stay, the only answer was "yes." The rest could be figured out later.

The job was a good start, even if it was only temporary. But his first day was tougher than he could've imagined. The hope of seeing Vanessa at the end of it was what got him through, but it was just that; a hope and not a promise. Because once he was cleaned up and on his way out to go see her, he heard Eric telling his mother that Vanessa had invited him over that evening.

Pete had even swallowed his pride to ask Eric if there were any messages for him. It irritated him that Vanessa was communicating with him through Eric. But when everyone carried a personal telephone, homes supposedly didn't need them anymore. And good luck finding a payphone. When Eric gave him a fake apologetic grin and shook his head, Pete quickly sulked away before he could have the satisfaction of witnessing his disappointment.

Even though Vanessa claimed Eric was only a friend, his gut told him that he had dropped into the middle of something going on between them. But he didn't understand why she would even want to be friends with that arrogant twerp. He had saved Vanessa from drowning, though, and for that he was grateful.

That was the night he left Palmer, which marked the end of life as he knew it and the beginning of one he didn't recognize. When he insisted that he was the same person Vanessa knew that summer, he may have been also trying to convince himself. He was afraid that the past two years had changed him too much. And as they got re-acquainted with each other, she might not like who he'd become. All week there had been a voice in and out of his head telling him he should split before he disappointed her and it was coming through again, louder than ever.

But the thought of saying goodbye to her again made him physically sick. The smoke he bummed from Owen wasn't helping. There was something off about cigarettes in the future.

"I thought I smelled something rank," Eric said in passing on the way to his car.

Pete caught a whiff of Eric's freshly applied cologne and the nausea intensified. He dropped the cigarette in the snow and squashed it with his shoe.

"I'm wearing my own clothes this time," Pete said dully. "So what do you care?"

"I don't. Those thrift store finds probably can't smell any worse, anyway."

Pete didn't have anything to say to that. He was no good at verbal sparring, but he was pretty sure he'd come out the winner in a real fight. He clenched his fists and hoped Eric would keep walking before he gave into the urge to hit him directly in his smug face with a snowball. But Eric lingered nearby while he tapped away on his phone and smiled. Was he writing to Vanessa?

He couldn't take one more second of this. He had the jitters and thought he might chuck up his lunch. Why was he letting this floppy-haired smart-ass get to him? He trusted Vanessa, even if he didn't trust that her "friend" wouldn't try to make a move. Pete closed his eyes and breathed in deeply through his nose, but he inhaled too fast and the cold air stung his nostrils and tickled his throat. When he started to cough, it flared up the ache in his bruised ribs and he clutched his side.

By the time Pete caught his breath, Eric had put away his phone and was staring at him like he was a pitiful sight.

"You can't stay here forever, you know."

"I hope to have enough to rent a place in a week or so," Pete rasped.

"I don't mean here in this house, I mean here in the now."

"I didn't know you made the rules."

"I don't know what the rules are anymore," Eric said glumly. "But I do know that I can spot a loser when I see one. Maybe in the nineteen-fifties you're something special, but now? You're a below-average human. And she's way above-average." Eric's face brightened at the thought of her and Pete again imagined a nice, slushy snowball wiping that grin away. "And at some point you're going to screw up and she'll see the glaring discrepancy."

"Don't hold your breath," Pete said through gritted teeth.

"Or you could pack it up and go back home before that happens, which might be for the best."

"For you," Pete grumbled.

"For everybody. You don't belong here anyway. She'd probably be a wreck for a while just like the last time, but she'd understand why you have to leave. And eventually she'll be okay. I'll make sure of it," he added with a self-assured smirk. 

He had no doubt that Vanessa would be alright without him. She was tougher than she let on. But what about him? Was it so selfish to worry that he might not be okay? The more time Pete spent alone, the more he told himself he didn't want to be around anyone anyway. But the past few days had forced him to see what he'd been missing. Sure, there was the pain and the bruising and the panic attack at the store and the fast-talking family that had opened up their home to him. And this cocky future doctor who despised him for standing in his way. But all those things reminded him that he was still alive and that there were things he still wanted. Before Vanessa showed up at his door in the middle of the night, Pete wouldn't allow himself to imagine what his life would be like with her in it. Now that it was a real possibility it was all he could think about and he wasn't going to give up easily.

He wasn't going to listen to the nagging voice in his head and he sure as hell wasn't going to listen to this guy.

"A couple weeks ago all Ness wanted was to forget she ever knew you. Did you know that?" Eric lowered his voice and stepped toward him. "She took a huge risk so she could erase you from her memory and move on. And when that didn't work, the only reason she wanted to find you was to say goodbye. Just let her move on, man. You know you can't hack it here. And the longer you try, the more it's going to hurt her when it's over. And in the meantime, you're only going to drag her down."

He didn't have to take this crap. Pete stood and walked back toward the house. The wind skated over the ground and dusted light snow over his footprints, blurring the indentations as soon as they appeared.

"What are you doing?" Eric called after him.

"Packing."