Firefly

Forty-Nine

Joel's pov

Joel sat in the town's workshop, his boots sitting on the bench. They were falling apart, the duct tape he put around them was barely holding them together and the soles were so thin he could feel the terrain against the soles Of his feet. Every rock, stick, sharp jagged object they walked across he felt it.

His emotions were just like his boots. Held together by duct tape and barely holding on. He was relieved he found his brother, he was happy that Tommy was alright and safe. The new information about him Being married to a woman; a woman that most definitely hates him for that fact, was shocking. He was happy for him, but that to Joel…to Joel that meant Tommy wouldn't need him anymore. There was no way Maria would let him stay here. The news about Tommy becoming A father hit harder though. He had no doubt in his mind that Tommy would be an amazing father.

But being with Ellie and yn, Joel started to feel a little more like his old self. Ellie was a huge pain in his ass, but she was starting to become more than a package that he has to deliver. He grew to care for the girl. It has been so long since he's had a child in his presence. After Sarah he didn't care for children much. He can't say he pictured having a family with yn, because he has. It was just a picture of a time where Cordyceps never happened and Sarah was still alive. Yn would have finished college, dated guys her own age and maybe then down the road when she was older they could have been something more than just neighbors.

Their age gap has always bothered him. He kept it in the back of his mind though because he was in love with her, is in love with her. That doesn't matter though, she's not safe with him. Ellie isn't safe with him. Tommy would be able to get Ellie to where she needed to go and yn would be safer here. She could be happy here, and find someone closer to her age. Someone who could give her everything she deserves.

The bell over the door rang and Tommy walked in. “The guys said I might find you here,” he said, shutting the door behind him. “Figured I'd save you the trouble.” He sat down a pair of boots for Joel. Joel went and sat down on a stool and slowly started to put them on. “I shouldn't have said what I said,” Joel told him. “I don't even believe it. I know you're happy for me. It just... It's complicated for you... and I'm sorry. So you gonna let me off the hook, or what?”

“This ride to the University, is it a suicide mission?” Joel asked. “No. It's dangerous, but it's nothin' you can't handle. Just prepare and do what you do,” Tommy said. Joel finished putting his boots 9n and looked up at him. “You've had people go that way and come back?” He asked. He wanted to make sure it was going to be safe before he dropped a bomb on Tommy. “All of 'em. What is this?”

“She's immune.” Tommy pulled his eyebrows together in confusion. “What?” He asked. “Ellie. She got infected, but she didn't get sick. Tommy. Tommy, I saw her get bit myself. That was months ago. Months. She's immune. From the beginning. It was Marlene. She hired us to help yn smuggle her to some Fireflies. It went bad. Tess got bit. She made me swear to take the kid and go with yn. It was her dyin' wish. What the hell was I supposed to do?” Tommy didn't know what to say, so he stayed silent and listened to Joel, who's eyes were getting glossy.

“We went through Pittsburg and made it as far as Kansas City then... You know, she saved my life and yn's there... from another kid. Five years ago, I would've destroyed him. But she had to shoot him to save us. Fourteen years old. Because I was too slow and too fսckin' deaf to hear him comin' and get to yn before the other guy Got to her. And I saw... I saw a man kill his own brother... to save her, while I just watched. And today, I thought that dog was gonna tear her apart because it smelled somethin' on her. And all I did was stand there.”

He took a pause, hanging his head, and trying to swallow the lump in his throat. “I couldn't... move. I couldn't think of anything to say. I just... I was so afraid. You think I can still handle things, but... I'm not who I was. I'm weak. Lately, there are these moments where the fear comes up outta nowhere, and... my heart... feels like it's stopped. And I have dreams. Every night.”

“What kinda dreams?” Tommy asked. “I don't know. I can't remember. I just know that when I wake up... I've lost somethin'.” Joel let the tears go; let them slide down his cheeks. “I'm failin' in my sleep. That's all I do. It's all I've ever done is fail her again and again. I failed yn, too. Me coming back to her being gone repeats in my head over and over. I was too protective. I didn't spend time with her like she wanted because I was too busy off with Tess smuggling shit in and out of the QZ. I got her back but I've been failing her again.”

Tommy was silent for a while, thinking everything through. “You want me to take her.” Joel looked at him with a look of defeat. “I'm just gonna get her killed. I want yn to stay here where she's safe. She can have a life here, find someone her own age, someone who can take care of her and male her happy. I know it. I have to leave them.” He didn't want to but he knows he has to. Yn meant everything to him and Ellie had wormed her way into his heart. He wanted nothing more than for them to be with him but he couldn't do that. He wouldn't let himself do that.

“Joel…” Tommy was cut off before he could even respond. “I mean, it's why you took off on me, right? To make up for the things we did? Well, here's your chance to bring your kid into a better world. You're younger than me. You're still strong. You said it yourself, you'll come back. You have to take her. You have to make sure yn stays here where she's safest and will get what she deserves.happiness.And you can't tell anyone, not even Maria. Tommy, you're the only one I trust. If anyone else sees those bites on her, what's under her skin... they'll shoot her. It's the last thing I'll ever ask of you. I swear.” Tommy didn't say anything for a few long minutes. He thought it over. He knew yn would never agree to this. He knew he wouldn't be able to male her stay here, especially if Joel left. “I'll take her out at dawn. We got you in 38. It's left, left, right.”