Echoes of the Heart

Opportunity

The after noon passed like any other, getting high with Issac, before sleeping until mom came home. Then staying up late drinking before tucking her in and heading to school.

Kaley told me about her and her friends, get together during the pep rally.

I was happy for her, it didn't seem like they would date, but she was looking for fun, not anything serious.

I headed into the library to grab my coffee and read my book. I get a few pages in before I hear a voice, "hey Stephanie" I look up to see Spencer. "Hey" I say. "Good book isn't it? I just finished it! Im on the last one now" I laughed "your the one I was waiting on. Mrs Barrett said another student had it. Let me know when you finish it so I can read the finale." "No problem, yeah I like reading. Im in here a lot."

"Me too"  I say.

We started talking about books we both have read, and talking about what we thought about them. He recommended a few series I would like and I did the same. Before I knew it the bell was ringing and I went to class. I pondered on our encounter, going over what happened and how enjoyable the experience was. It was unusual for me to be happy at school. For some reason anytime it involved Spencer. I just found myself smiling.

The day drug on and it was finally time for debate class. I walked in and saw the trio talking about something. They were laughing. Bo gave Spencer Thors Hammer and helmet and Blake revealed this shirt under his button up to be the captain american shield. I laughed and grabbed my phone to take a picture. They were silly. This class was definitely my new favorite.

Mrs. Edmunds was talking to us about a scholarship opportunity with the Rotary Club. Everyone was open to present a speech based on one of two topics and the best two from the class would present them on a given day and the winner would receive money for college.

I was intrigued. I stayed behind after the dismal bell to ask her about it. She handed me the paper with the guidelines and told me we would present our draft in class and the class would vote anonymously. Emily stayed behind as well. "Thats awesome you're going to try Stephanie! Even that you tried will look good on your college application you know!" She said cheerfully, she was kind. It wasn't a surprise she would compete. She was good at writing wanting to be a journalist of some kind. I wouldn't win against her and probably wouldn't be able to win against a lot of the upperclassmen either if they decided to compete but it was worth a shot.

The two topics were something that changed you, and gold and silver friendship. It was cheesy for sure, but I had to stick out compared to people with good writing skills like Emily. I would come up with a topic at some point there was still time. I kept thinking to myself about the possibilities as I left the building. Blake stood outside waiting. "Hey Stephanie got a minute?" He asked. His red hair and glasses stood out against the cream hallway. "Sure whats up" I said walking with him. "Well I have been wondering if you wanted to go out sometime. With me. You know like on a date?" I paused. Crap. I didn't think he was going to ask again so soon. I thought about Spencer and how he made me feel. Then my demons spoke up, no good, too good for you, he deserves better, you're not pretty enough for someone like him. The continued to torment me and insult me. Crap. I thought again. "Sure Blake. That would be nice" I lied. The demons stopped. We exchanged phone numbers and he told me he would pick me up Saturday evening. Then headed home.

I walked with Kaley and told her about the date, she decided to come home with me to help me pick something out. We decided on a pair of my Levi's and one of my mom's blouses. She wouldn't mind, she wore my clothes all the time.

We hung out smoking a few cigarettes before she had to get home. Her mom and step dad cared about her well being and didn't want her out late. We hugged and she headed down the stairs to her mom's jeep. I went to take a shower, I played so heavy metal and closed my eyes, letting the steam and hot water scorch my skin. I looked at the scar on my hip, it was starting to heal. Unclean, my demons whispered. Dirty. They taunted me. I scrubbed my self with the loofah til my skin was red and raw. I turned off the water once it began to run cold. I changed into my clothes and laid in my bed in a ball. Hoping the singing of Avenged Sevenfold would numb the voices. I didn't want to drink tonight. I was already sick every morning from too much drinking. Without the drugs to numb the symptoms, the hangover was too much. Plus I felt happy today. I didn't want to ruin that feeling. I kept thinking of him, Spencer, and wondered what music he liked. Maybe I would ask him. Maybe I wouldn't I corrected my thoughts. If i got to close my darkness would corrupt him too. It would dampen his light. I couldn't do that. I needed to stay away from him. For his own good.

I closed my eyes, drifting to sleep. Without the numbing the nightmares returned, it was of that night. One of the few that haunts me, the one with Maddox. I woke up before it got to the violent part. My eyes were red from tears, I got up to go grab some pills from my drawer that I had saved from Isaac. Fuck. I cursed. I tried. I took the pill and then crushed the other one before snorting it. I went out for another cigarette and waited for my mom so I could tell her about my date. Tomorrow was Friday, which meant I had to suffer through another day of school. I waited for my mom but she never showed up. I called her and she went straight to voicemail. After about 30 minutes she texted me "wont be home, with Ted ;)" I sighed and went inside. Laying down and stared at the nothingness. Nothing but my demons to keep me company.