Love Notes

Chapter 50

The summer sun is starting to pink my skin as I sit out on the balcony of the apartment Will and I bought weeks ago. I can't decide what I love most about being here, the sounds I can hear of the river at night, or the sight of the green blanket of tree tops we can see from our balcony.

I sip away at the cappuccino that I made from one of those fancy coffee machines Will insisted on buying when we moved in. I tell him often it was over the top but it doesn't stop me frothing milk and making sure we never run out of those little capsules for it.

"Hey you, how'd you sleep?"
Will pops his head outside, coffee in hand, wearing some old shorts that he works out in. I'd tell him to cover up only I think all the neighbours deserve to see it. I want them to know what Im lucky enough to lay beside every night.

"Like a log. I didn't even wake up when my alarm went off! Hey, come get a look at this view. Can you believe it's really ours?"

He steps up behind me, rubbing his hands over my shoulders and planting a kiss on my head.
"I can. We waited long enough for it."

I rest my head onto his hand, staring out at the trees ahead.
There's a weird ringing sound that seems to become louder the longer we stay out here. I wonder if somebody's alarm is going off.
"Do you hear that?"

"What?"

"That noise!" I shake my head, trying to rid it from my ears.
"What is it?"

"You fought back."

I look up at Will, confused and rubbing the side of my head.

"What do you mean?"

"Be smarter. You have to keep going Isobel, don't let him take you from me"

                                 —————

The ringing continues, but there's no trees when my eyes open, only the blurry sight of the vanity infront of me.
It comes into focus at the same time that I realise I can't separate my hands. The rope is tied around them tighter than it was yesterday, pressing into the burns already underneath.

I feel that disgusting gag in my mouth again. I'm careful, trying to acknowledge it without panicking. Taking deep breaths and telling myself to accept it.

I did fight.
I fought with everything I had when he tried to put that cloth back in my mouth. I fought so hard that i think it may have even surprised Jamie. I fought so hard that it forced him to push me to the floor and hit my head off the tile so roughly that it knocked me out. He still managed to get what he wanted, but at least I fought.

In the minutes before Jamie came in here to tie me back up, I was losing hope fast. I felt like pinning my hopes on someone noticing I was gone was becoming juvenile.
The fact Jamie wanted to continue on his life as normal by going out to work not only scared me, but managed to make me feel worthless. How was this situation not more pressing to him?

I genuinely considered asking him to just end it. Surely that was where this was all going anyway. But then that little voice came into my head. An eleven year old child that just wanted to be something to somebody. She wanted out. She wanted things to go her way for once.

So when he walked in here, duct tape in hand, I did my best for her.

I have to do that. I have to keep fighting. But after this morning, I know that i will never physically match Jamie. He'll always have the upper hand with strength. However, I also know that the fight back isn't always about the physical.
I've been looking at it the wrong way all of this time. No wonder it all seemed so impossible.
I don't need to fight him, I just need to figure out how to outsmart him.