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♡︎

“Minnie.”

Hyunjin called out as studied
the frown on his boyfriend's face,
the pure worry displayed in his eyes.

Ever since they had left the
Han-Lee apartment, Seungmin had
been unusually and awfully quiet.

He was still holding tightly onto
the older's hand so he definitely
wasn't mad at Hyunjin.

But alone the fact that the
puppy-like brunette hadn't
directly reacted to his boyfriend's
call told Hyunjin that something
was wrong.

Or at least there was something
so important on the younger's
mind that he seemed miles away
even if he was right there,
walking beside Hyunjin.

“Hm?”

He looked up with this surprised
puppy face of his, making Hyunjin
smile at the other's cuteness.

“What's on your mind, my love?”

Their evening had been great.

After all the time the two couples
had finally found the time to have
a couple date together at the
Han-Lee apartment just how
they had agreed on once.

Minho had prepared some really
good steaks with fried vegetables
for them and they had enjoyed
the evening with good food and
some nice red wine.

Well, grape juice for Jisung since
he was still breastfeeding
their little kitten.

Akemi had gotten the hang of how
to enjoy baby food but that didn't
mean that he wouldn't throw a
tantrum if he didn't get his good
night milk and snuggles.

And Jisung would never complain
about that, he enjoyed these thirty
minutes of the day where he made
himself comfortable in his bed,
his little kitten bundled up in his
blanket and cuddled up in his
embrace as he got his milk.

Moments like these made the
brunette realize how fast his
tiny boy was growing.

Because lately he kept wondering
how Akemi had once fitted in
his tummy when he held his
now big little kitten in his arms.

And the small boy had enjoyed
staying with his Uncle Seungminnie
for quite some time that evening
much to the surprise of everyone.

Because Akemi was still extremely
attached to his beloved parents.

Staying with someone else longer
than five minutes was a big
no-go for him in most cases.

But that evening he had been totally
fine with sitting on Seungmin's lap as
long as his daddy had held his little,
chubby hand.

And Hyunjin hadn't been able to
look away from the adorable sight.

His boyfriend had looked so happy
with tiny Akemi in his arms.

But now this happiness was gone,
instead the ravenette could feel
a deep sorrow radiating from
his beautiful boyfriend.

“Pup.
Talk to me, please.”

A soft sigh escaped Seungmin as
he turned away from his boyfriend
and continued his way, still holding
tightly onto the older's hand.

“Are you sometimes.. Sad?
As in.. How do I say that…

Do you sometimes regret being me?”

“Minnie, no!
What the hell?!”

Hyunjin stared at his boyfriend
with the pure shock written
all over his face.

“It's just, everyone's having kids.
Minho and Jisung, I heard Felix
talking about a second child already
and Chan is taking fertility pills
too now. And you're here..
Stuck with me?
We're both almost thirty,
doesn't it make you wonder
if you're totally missing out on
something just because of me?”

The brunette hadn't once turned
around, too scared of the
expression on his boyfriend's
face and his possible answer.

He wasn't even sure what to expect
of this discussion but this had been
on his mind for quite a while now.

And having baby Akemi in his
arms had only fueled this feeling
of uncertainty.

Uncertainty about their future.

He didn't want to keep Hyunjin
from living his dream only because
of him and his stupid insecurities.

“Minnie.
Do you remember what you
said to me when I first told you
that I had feelings for you?”

Seungmin nodded unsurely but
the ravenette still took it as a sign
to continue as he pulled the younger
male back to him by his hand.

“I told you that I'd wait.
I'd wait for you as long as you need.
If I'd have wanted to be married
and have kids by now, I wouldn't
have said this to you because you
had told me clearly that your
heart needed time to heal.
But I don't desperately need all
of this right now, I don't want it
either if it's not with you, okay?
I just want to be with you, Minnie.
That's truly all I want, every further
step is completely up to you and if
and when you're ready, I'll be
ready too. But I don't want you
to ever think that you're not
making me happy and keeping
me from living my life.
Okay?”

Hyunjin lifted his hands to cup
his boyfriend's face ever so gently
and placed a long kiss on the
brunette's forehead.

Seungmin was so strong,
Seungmin never, under no
circumstances, cried.

And yet again he found himself in
his boyfriend's embrace, arms
wrapped tightly around the older's
waist and his face buried in his
shoulder as he cried.

Feeling relieved and even more
guilty at the same time.

Because he didn't deserve an
angel like Hyunjin.

♡︎