Because You Love Me

19| Alex: sixteen years old

trigger warning; underage drinking, mentions of vomit, drugs and death.

As a kid, Alex had hyper-fixations.

Between the ages of one and six, it was lights, specifically brightly coloured, flashing lights. He would hold those flashing objects so close to his face that his Mama often worried he was blinding himself.

The doctor told her not to worry, it was just one of the many things kids do.

Then came the lack of speech, non-verbal till the age of five. Again, the doctors reassured Mama; all in his own time, offering no further help. They couldn't see him in the ways she so effortlessly could, advocate for him with the fight she had, love him in the ways she did.

She researched as much as she could with the limited resources the world had at the time, found tips and tricks online.

Apparently reading helped, so she read to him every single night. Soon, reading blossomed into reactions and expressions. Mama was quick to make it their thing after that, their nightly ritual.

She practiced sign language in an effort to communicate with him better, getting subtle, brief responses in return. Each interaction bringing indescribable joy. She stuck with it, struggling to remember the array of hand movements herself, but she didn't give up. She tried her hardest to be better— for him.

One of his gate kept memories of her, his favourite memory of all; the blinding smile she wore when he first found his voice... when he said Mama for the first time at five years old, voice quiet but strong; his way of showing how much she meant to him.

She was his Mama.

She was everything.

Until she was taken away.

No one had the time for him that Mama did, no one fought for him like Mama did...

No one but Ace.

As unhealthy as it may sound, for as long as both boys could remember Ace was described as highly dependent on Alex, but everyone failed to realise Alex relied on him just as much.

Soon, Ace became one of Alex's many hidden fixations. His favourite person to study.

Ace was his mask, his confidant, his person.

Whenever he failed to read someone, or became overwhelmed by a situation and shrunk into the static in his head; showcasing his silent responses with stims and fidgets that weren't up to standard when society described normality, Ace was there to save the day.

He would describe things to Alex that made it easier for him to understand the reactions of others, and when Alex needed him most, when the prying eyes became too much to bare, Ace would pull the attention away and redirect it to himself. Saving Alex over and over again.

Mama was once everything, and everything she was, Ace became.

For Alex.

No one understood it, understood them and their tight knitted bond, not their brothers nor their friends and extended family, but that was fine, it didn't matter, because they did.

They had and would always have a special connection; bouncing off each other, knowing what the other needed without ask, loving without limits, more in sync and interwoven into one another's souls with a bond that ran deeper than that of their younger twin brothers.

More alike than anyone knew.

Alex, no matter how hard he'd tried, could never put himself in Ace's shoes when it came to relating to his anger or his unhealthy coping mechanisms, but that was okay and always would be okay, because he'd studied Ace so much throughout the years that he understood everything else.