My Chaotic Thoughts on everything

Where do I begin?

There are many things that is inside my brain right now... I have 2 stories I published in Wattpad. One of them is "Nagisa's Secret", that was in my other account. Sadly, I don't remember my password and i have lost motivation on my second book of the story.

On my first book, i reread my story and..... I think it was cringe.... but it satisfied my scenario i want to create in my head and it was leaving rent free for months. i was in 7th grade... and I have some help to my only friend to read proof and check my grammars and get some opinion on the story.

Surprisingly, they like it. At that time ASSASSINATION CLASSROOM was my obsessed anime series. I would imagine fantasies what would happen if this was the outcome? So, I read like a hundred stories about my favorite ship at that time. "KARMAGISA", yes, I'm a hardcore FUJOSHI. And I still is, just not so hardcore now that I have explore other relationship even, I don't have that experience in real life.

Now the second season of ASSCLASS was released after I finished my story. i did not read any manga or even believe there was a second season of the series... but i got some comments about how I didn't like to kill korosensei and let him live. So, they comment some critic but... I was shocked too that there was a way to let korosensei live but it's complicated and God-like move if i make my OP more powerful haha... so I let it go as that that think its and AU. well from the start its already a canon diverges because there was no sister or any god-like scenarios haha.

Sadly, I stopped my posting when I was halfway through 8th grade, I would write in my notebooks which my classmates would make fun of me when there was a break time, and I would whip up my notes and start writing and come up various scenarios. thus, this makes me a loner but not so isolated, I guess. I'm not so sure now when i think about it... 

I basically isolated myself because I'm scared that they will think of me as a weird, disgusting and anti-social person. well to be honest I did not understand any trend and cannot keep up to them. Sad to say I'm like between old fashion but at the same time trying to keep up with trends these days.

this led to my overthinking and some depressing/badass/dark/cool K-pop kind of songs haha. until now I dislike some songs about sex or something like WAP or anything that was heavily sexualized BUT... i like some when you don't think about the MVs or any visuals to the song haha. Because the MVs are so different than the image you created to fit the song. That's the reason why I like K-pop and fan made MVs because they would connect to the songs and the lyrics (? sometimes).

actually, as I'm typing this chapter, I'm basically having a therapy about my life and better outlet to myself than talking about my feelings to family and relatives. they would still to this day think I'm not doing anything in my life which was true but i would like something I would like to do rather critiqued or being pushed what they want. yes, I know it's for my future and I appreciated that for doing it for me. I have no role model and all my life the pressures are getting into me. so, I basically crashed my future into halt for now...

if you like this page about my life and have some similarities to it but not having an outlet to it... as the toy stories song goes "you got a friend in me". and see you to my next page of my thoughts....

--cyMYSTYza