𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚

005.

my surroundings felt completely different to when i usually wake up. feeling around the bed, realising the kids weren't scattered around my small sized double bed... but then again this bed doesn't feel like my own.

"can we get out of here?"

were the last words i could recall saying in the club.

slowly, my eyes fluttered open. hands gripping tightly onto the sheets covering my body. turning my head to the side seeing i was alone in the bed. did i scare her off? now remembering how we fell asleep, how i begged her to let me sleep with her.

i just needed to feel her close. my soul gravitated towards her, i couldn't understand why i felt like i needed to be around her, from the moment we met she never left my mind.

i had never been like this with anyone in my life. like i felt free with another person when in their presence. like i was only whole when i was with that person. nobody ever made me feel like that.

my children were my happiness. i would never regret having them. but when do you reach that breaking point? when you want happiness to come from within and not someone else sourcing that happiness for you. i couldn't genuinely remember when i was last happy, like real happiness. not the fake happiness that i've pretended to be for the last seven years, clouded by all the hurt that has occurred in my life.

i didn't even have to force myself to remember through the hangover where i was and who's bed i was laying in. onika. this room screamed onika. it was so warm, cozy, home felt. everything that she felt to me.

as i pulled myself from lying down to sitting against the headboard, i noticed a note on the bed side table, sitting next to my phone on charge.

if you are reading this and i'm not back i've just gone to pick up some stuff to make us breakfast. please stay, get comfortable, don't feel like you have to leave because i'm not there, make my space your space. i shouldn't be too long.

also, i put your phone on charge just in case.

love, onika.

the smile on my face was wide. brushing my fingers against the handwritten note ever so gently, even her writing felt like her. one of a kind, it was so beautiful, just like herself.

i picked up my phone, just wanting to see if anyone had checked in. 11:53am. damn. it was nearly midday and the kids were with solange. fuck.

before i got the chance to text solange, a notification came through.

solange:
don't worry about the kids, they're good with me. please enjoy yourself bey, i will have them for as long as you need, give yourself that much needed break.

:
it's okay. you don't have to do that. i'll come get them now.

solange:
don't you dare come to my house because i won't let you in. if you come any time before 8pm you ain't reaching past my front door. stop being stubborn and let me have my nieces and nephew. i love you.

:
okay, i appreciate everything you do so much. i love you more than words can describe.

other than the text thread between solange and i, there was nothing interesting happening. i sent kelly and michelle a quick message, asking for them to update me so i knew that they were safe... knowing them, they are still knocked out asleep.

the door opened slightly as i seen onika's head pop in between the small gap. "sorry i didn't want to wake you up." she said with a smile on her face, continuing to open the door.