The diminutive conundrum

Chapter 3: the challenges

From the outside the lair looked like your average warehouse, and as the 'heroes' approached the building nothing jumped out at them, or was flung through the windows. It was silent. Then Karl walked right up to the door and knocked.

The doors slid open loudly.

"How cliche" stated Cheddar with an accusing tone.

As the group entered inside they took notice of the large open room devoid of anything except a catwalk up on the wall dead ahead.

"I've been waiting for you" said a distinctly British disembodied voice.

"Uh, what" John said in a obviously confused voice.

"I see you've stumbled upon the Cockroach. Don't mind me, just your everyday villain, devoid of any grandeur or awe-inspiring theatrics. No need for gasps or ominous music. I won't monologue about my tragic past or my evil aspirations. So, let's dispense with the formalities, shall we? You've got your ideals, your heroism, and all that jazz. And me? I've got my persistence, my unremarkable nature, and, oh, my lair filled with trials and traps all for you! Let's see how this unfolds, shall we? But don't expect anything too spectacular. After all, I am just the Cockroach, here to make your heroics a tad more bothersome. Cheers."

The door slammed shut behind the and the lock clicked.

"Again with the cliche noises" cheddar said exasperated.

At the same moment one of the doors on the catwalk opened and in walked a lanky tall man with a suit, flowing cape and Large top hat.

"My, my, It's quite thrilling to be hosting my very first challenge for you. And what might that be, you ask? Well, feast your eyes upon my pièce de résistance: the Giant Robotic Spider! Yes, I know what you're thinking—how utterly cliché, right?"

"Yes it is very cliche" sighed cheddar, who was absolutely over this.

"How dare you interrupt me! Now where was I? Oh yes, A giant spider, how frightfully original. But fear not, for I assure you, it's not about the novelty but the nuisance it shall cause. This mechanical marvel has been crafted with the precision of mediocrity. It won't shoot lasers or possess any world-ending capabilities, no. Its purpose is simple: to be a bothersome hindrance to your heroic endeavors. You see, heroes, I may be one for elaborate traps and overly complicated schemes, But I do prefer the classics—a menacing spider that scurries about, causing chaos in its wake. Its legs will clank, its gears will grind, and it shall create a delightful disturbance in your noble pursuit of justice. To continue with the trials you must deal with this arachnid abomination. Oh, but don't think I'll make it easy for you. I made quite the arena just to keep things interesting. Best of luck." Monologued the cockroach.

As he turned around and walked through the way he came, a garage door slid open revealing a massive mechanical spider. It clanked into the room and released a mechanical hiss.

At that moment Pete collapsed unconscious.

"Don't worry, we'll handle with this" said Mr. Nose and Mr eye.

Then they both stepped forward, took up positions and then blasted lasers right through the mechanical monstrosity. This all happened in the matter of seconds.

The spider collapsed on the floor in a pile of scrap metal. The group then walked into the next room. Inside was a complicated puzzle and a fancy door. Up on the catwalk, the cockroach sighed into his hands.

"I spent so long working on that arena, with its shifting floor and perfectly timed dropped objects. That mechanical spider took so long to assemble, but of course the cyclops and the massive nose guy can shoot lasers. Ugh. Well, let's move on. Here you find ourselves in the midst of my second trial, and oh, what a trial it shall be. Brace yourselves, for this challenge doesn't involve brute force or flashy battles. No, no, this time it's all about the mind—the intricate dance of intellect and logic. Behold, before you stand a rather imposing door, a door that leads to the next challenge. But alas, it won't yield so easily. No, it's not your typical lock-and-key affair. This door requires finesse, wit, and a touch of brilliance to unravel its secrets. You see, heroes, I'm not one for the mundane. This puzzle isn't your run-of-the-mill arrangement of buttons or predictable riddles. Oh no, that would be far too commonplace. Instead, I've concocted an intricate and complex system of puzzles that'll surely test the very fibers of your intellect. There are codes to decipher, mechanisms to manipulate, and clues hidden within the very fabric of this intricate puzzle. A web of interconnected challenges, each more perplexing than the last, designed to confound and entangle even the sharpest of minds. Do you possess the keen perception, the analytical prowess, to navigate this labyrinth of enigmas? Can you unlock the door that stands between you and your goal? Or will you falter, succumbing to the complexity of my design? Remember, dear heroes, it's not just about reaching the other side; it's about unraveling the layers of intricacy I've woven into this puzzle. So, gather your wits, collaborate if you must, and embark on this cerebral escapade. The clock ticks, and the door waits for no one. This one will surely be entertaining." Said the cockroach before exiting the room.

"Hey, can you blast down the door" asked the Cheddar "I'd like to finish up here".

Mr, nose replied with a negative.

"Fine I'll deal with this, because I also wish to get this over and done" said an irritated John. He then shrunk down, slipped through the crack beneath the door, grew back to size and unlocked the door from the other side. As they entered the new room they noticed that the wall, roof and floor in said room was covered in cheese.

Up on a balcony stood the cockroach. He took note of their entrance and dived straight into his next monologue:

"Ah, my esteemed adversaries, you've navigated through my trials with an evasiveness I must commend, But now, brace yourselves for the final challenge that shall undoubtedly leave you... well, rather cheesed off, if you pardon the pun. Behold! A room entirely crafted from cheese, yes, you heard that correctly. A labyrinthine chamber where the walls, the floor, even the ceiling are fashioned from the most indulgent of dairy products. Now, before you scoff at the sheer absurdity of it, allow me to elucidate. This cheesy sanctuary shall not merely serve as a quirky spectacle. Oh no, its purpose is far more devious. You see, right here next to me is a thermostat. And with a simple twist, I shall elevate the temperature, causing this magnificent cheese abode to... how shall I put it delicately? To melt! Yes, that's right! The very room you stand in shall slowly liquefy into a sea of gooey, gooey cheese. You'll find yourselves ankle-deep, knee-deep, and eventually, neck-deep in this creamy, molten mess. I can sense your incredulity. "Why such a preposterous challenge?" you might wonder. Well, my dear heroes, the answer is simple. It's not about the practicality or the sensibility. No, it's about the sheer audacity of it all, the absurdity that shall confound even the most composed of champions. Remember, as amusing as it might seem, this challenge is as real as the cheddar beneath your feet. So, ready yourselves for the dairy deluge, for the gouda inundation that awaits. Enjoy your... ahem... cheesiest trial yet!" Indulged the cockroach clearly enjoying the experience. He then reached over, took the thermostat and cranked it all the way to max. Then he took his exit.

All through the monologue Cheddar looked like he was in heaven. Now he was finally understanding the gravity of the situation.

He then turned to the group and said; "the fellow has made a mistake, don't fear my comrades I will indubitably remove us from this mess."

The rest of the group stared at cheddar because none of them expected anything similar to what he had just said to come out of his mouth. Their shock grew when the saw him start to mold the cheese using some power of some kind. It wasn't long before a staircase of cheese formed in front of them. They walked up in a hurry to get out of the swiftly melting cheese. All the while dragging unconscious Pete along with them. They entered the lair control room. On the walls where computer screens showing the warehouse. They glanced around and they found themselves face to face with the cockroach.

"Of course they have a stinking cheese wizard! What's next? Stench generation? Amnesia inducement? Self combustion?!" Everyone except John and the cockroach immediately looked over at Karl.

"I think I'm missing something here," said John.

"Here too" said the cockroach, confused.

"well you see are good friend Karl here happens to have said power" said cheddar all while laughing.

"Your kidding me, I meant it as a joke. Anyways you found your way to my control room. Congratulations. But you shall not take me alive. You see—"

At that moment Pete woke up screaming.

Everyone was startled and distracted, except Mr. nose, who took the chance to knock the cockroach unconscious. After they calmed down Pete, they exited through the back way and celebrated at a nearby restaurant. Everything had gone surprisingly smoothly.