Don't Call Me Jagi

Chapter 12

"I think I need some space."

Jisung's heart fell into his stomach in shock. Space?

"I know it's complicated, since we're roommates...." Minho began, "But maybe it's best if we just hang out with everyone else for a while, so that we don't run the risk of me screwing things up. I don't know. Maybe if you...well, I need to stop inviting you into my bed, stuff like that. I feel so close to you, and with our history... I forget sometimes that you're your own person."

Jisung touched his hand to the crook of Minho's elbow.

"Min, I don't--"

"I know you're going to tell me it's okay, because you're a sweet person, Jisung, and because you have always put my needs ahead of yours since we were young. But let me stop you right there, because...because this is what I want."

Jisung felt a tight knot forming in the back of his throat. "You...you really want space? From me?"

Minho's eyes were shifting back and forth, and he still couldn't look at Jisung. Was he making himself say this? Apparently not. He nodded once.

"This is what I want. Otherwise, I'm putting the future of the group at stake. I'm putting a lot at stake. A lot I....I can't afford to lose."

Jisung blinked hard, feeling the sting of tears beginning to form. He tried his best to suppress them, he didn't want to cry in front of Minho again. All he had been doing recently was crying, for fuck's sake.

He dug his fingers into Minho's arm with desperation, and Minho's gaze finally left the water in the tub and moved to where Jisung touched him.

"Minho, hyung, I really can't have you treating me like I'm nobody to you. I don't think I could take it. Please don't..." he cleared his throat, still trying to hold back the tears. Not that Minho would see if he was crying, since he couldn't even look at him. "Please don't push me away."

To his surprise, the corner of Minho's mouth lifted slightly as he sighed out a small laugh. He moved his hand over to pat Jisung's where it sat on his arm before removing it and placing it on the other side of him.

"Jisung, I don't think I could treat you like you're nobody if I tried. I just...I need to focus on everyone right now, and our careers. Not...not just you. And when you're near me, when we're alone...it's hard to think about anything else. I'm sorry if that's weird to hear coming from me."

Minho's words stung, even though he was reassuring him that he wouldn't be treating him like a stranger, not to mention telling Jisung that Minho's thoughts were just as full of him as Jisung's were with Minho.

"So...." Jisung started, feeling himself start to breathe heavily as it felt like the floor was falling away from him. "So we're still friends? You're not going to ignore me? You just...don't want to...be alone with me?"

Minho nodded again, finally looking over to meet Jisung's eyes. Ever since the fateful day in the dance studio when they finally talked, Minho's eyes had softened to him so much. It had really surprised Jisung, seeing the change in his expression from before and after. But now, Minho's eyes told a different story.

Something in him was closing off to Jisung. He could see it in how he looked at him, and he could sense it by Minho's hand being on the side of the tub and not still on top of Jisung's.

"I think this is for the best, don't you? I'm thinking about you here too, Jisung," Minho said.

Jisung didn't feel like he had words for this moment. He had come in here with no idea what he was going to say, just thinking it would be...a celebration? At least the beginning of something. This felt like the opposite to Jisung. The end of something. The end of his hope.