Red, Blue, Me, and You

Boy Talk

I know my family can't see that anything is different, but upon having this potential realisation, I feel like it must be visible in some way. It's like when you have a horrible thought, and are suddenly scared that people around you can actually read your mind and have just never told you. When I walk back into the house, sit down in the kitchen, and my mum continues what she's doing as if everything is normal, it feels like I've gotten away with something I shouldn't have.

All throughout dinner, Leah telling me she wants to kiss me is the only thing I can keep my mind on. Liam - my older brother who's in his 1st year at uni - is complaining about how his car doesn't work again, and Benjamin - my younger brother who is 9 years old- tells us his entire day in a lot of very specific detail. Benjamin spent the entire day at home helping Dad with house and yard work, so his stories are not the most interesting.

"You're quiet tonight Georgia," my mum comments, "how was your day?"
"Yeah, good," I reply.
My dad steps in here before my mum makes some sort of statement about how I never tell her what's happening in my life. "I saw you had a friend over for a while this afternoon?"
"Yeah, her name is Leah," I say.
"She in your form?" mum asks.
"She doesn't go to the same school as me. I know her because of football."

My dad looks like he's just remembered something and asks, "is this Leah girl the one Hannah and Olivia call your rival?"
"Yes, but we're not really rivals. We're friends. We just play on different teams," I explain.
Mum also looks like she's remembered something, and I'm afraid of what it could be. "Is she the one who plays for the club I wanted you to play for, so I don't have to drive you halfway across London three times a week?"
"Yeah, she plays for Arsenal," I tell her.
"Why can't you play for them?"
"Chelsea wanted me to play for them, and I support Chelsea," I say simply.
My mum sighs. "My week would look a lot easier if you played for a club a bit closer to us."

Dad intervenes, "Rachel dear, were you saying earlier that the Brown's invited us over for a street barbecue?"
"Oh yes. I must think of what salad to make, because last year Sarah Jones said she wasn't going to make potato salad, so I went ahead and made one, and then Sarah Jones showed up with a potato salad. I'm think a nice rice salad may be suitable," Mum continues to speak about the annual summer barbecue that won't be happening for at least another month, as if it is the most important thing on her calendar at the moment. This gives me the opportunity to ask to be excused, before clearing my plate, and retreating to my room.

-

The next day I meet Hannah and Olivia at the gate before school. I know instantly that they're going to have questions after what happened yesterday.
"Georgia! Girl! We've been worried sick about you. Where did you run off to?" Hannah shouts at me.
"Shh! Hannah, the entire neighbourhood can hear you," Olivia nudges her, before turning to me, "she has a point though, did you not see our texts?"
I did see their texts, but I couldn't be bothered answering them. How on earth do I explain what happened yesterday? There's not really an easy way to say, so I think I'm a lesbian, and I have feelings for Leah, now is there?

So I lie to the two of them. "You're right. Talking to boys is hard."
"So hard that you ran out of the room?" Olivia laughs.
"I just started to feel sick, and wanted to go home. Sorry for not replying to your texts," I apologise.
"It's fine," Hannah says, and she links one of her arms through mine, "but we've really got to work on your ability to talk to boys." Olivia joins the chain, so that I'm in the middle as we continue to walk to school. I'm standing between my two best friends, yet feel the most out of place I've ever been.

In class, we have maths first, test results from a practice in the lead up to our exams are being given out. I already know that I failed. If this was a month ago I wouldn't care, but what Leah said to me at the museum has really stuck with me. Passing school is an important thing, and it will give me something to fall back on in the very small chance football doesn't work out. When I say very small chance, I mean I refuse to believe it won't, but being realistic there is no certainty in what I want to do. I had actually tried to study for this maths test, but I just couldn't seem to get the hang of it.