chiaroscuro

4

The cafeteria's loud. Really loud. There are–I don't even know how many tables there are; I can't find an empty table anywhere. So I'm standing there, alone, looking like a poor, pathetic loser–and a freak.

Which I am.

I don't know how long I stand there before I hear a, "Chiro, over here!"

And there she is. Her hair's up in a messy bun–messy but perfect. As I walk to her table, her friends give me dirty looks. At least I think they're her friends. It's hard to tell since none of them are sitting next to her and seem to be having a conversation of their own.

"Come." She pats the spot next to her.

I set my tray down; it looks so sad compared to the others. A soggy sandwich is placed in the middle and a juice box in the corner. I don't think I can even call it a sandwich, all there is in between the two slices of bread is a floppy piece of lettuce.

"This is Lucy, Rose and Noelle." Emery points to the three angels seated in front of her. They didn't seem to notice.

Assholes.

"They can be...ignorant sometimes," she murmurs.

"Ya think?"

"It's fine." She flips them off.

What the fuck?

"Wait–how–did you just–" I trip over my words. Lucy, Rose and Noelle don't even look surprised. They walk away, still talking about eyeliner tips and shit.

She shouldn't...what...did she do that 'cuz of me? Oh goddamnit, did I make her lose her friends? If they even were her friends...

"Don't worry," Emery says and takes a bite of her sandwich. "This happens all the fucking time. I was thinking about dumping them a long time ago."

"So...you have no friends? Like, currently."

I don't know why I almost laughed when I say that.

"Nah, I have you."

"We're friends?"

Did I ask her that? Ugh what am I, five?

"Yeah, if you want to be."

"Cool."

She smiles and I swear I almost stop breathing. The last time I felt like this was a long time ago.

My vision blurs and something small and wet falls slips down my cheek.

Stop. No. You look like a baby. Stop. Stop. NO. REWIND.

"Hey, you good?"

I wipe my cheek and try to sound normal, not like a congested crybaby.

"Yeah." My voice almost quivers.

"You sure?" She doesn't sound convinced.

"Yeah, yeah. Meet you at the dorm?"

"'Kay."

I run out of there like my life depends on it. In a way, it does. I can feel the tears pouring out already; I wipe them away so aggressively that I'm almost positive there's red marks on my cheeks.

Why do I have to be such a crybaby?

It's dark outside when Emery enters. I spent hours before that ditching class and staring out the window in my dorm. Yeah, there's a window. It was covered by the Pennywise poster. Not sure why.

Emery freezes when she sees the poster on the floor and the exposed window. She doesn't say a word as she kicks it under her bed.

Fuck, did I make her mad?

"Y'know," she says, breaking the silence. She tucks herself into bed and the lights turn off.

The fuck?

"You didn't have to run away."

"Sorry."

"Could've talked to me."

"I just–I didn't think I could–I didn't feel like I could stay."

I hear her exhale.

"Who's that girl in the picture?"

"No one."

I said that too quickly. Damn it.

"I won't judge, I swear."

"Just..." I sigh. I pinch myself as my voice starts to quavers. "Just a friend of mine."

"Damn. That explains a lot."

"I haven't really told anyone about it."

"C'mon, tell me."

"Never mention it ever, ok?"

"Yeah, yeah. I solemnly swear."

I pull the blanket up to my chin and turn my back to her.

"Her name's Leora. She is–was–my best friend." I feel the tears coming. "We met in 9th grade, first year of highschool and all. We were like Tom and Jerry."

Tom and Jerry. Ugh, that sounds so dumb.

"We were sworn enemies, but when one of us wasn't here at school, it was like a piece of us was missing. I guess you could call us soulmates. Like a fairy tale or whatever.

"The next year, 10th grade, Leora started dating some guy. He was popular and buff, fucking asshole. Leora stopped talking to me. I mean, she'd look at me in the hallways but she wouldn't stop to talk or anything.

"This goes on for about two months. I mean, I was already struggling with depression before that so losing a friend only added to that pile of sadness.

"The next thing I know, I'm hearing that Leora got raped." My voice cracks.

FUCKING ASSHOLE. YOU KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPENED. STOP ACTING LIKE AN IDIOT.

"I was gonna talk to her the next day. I wanted to ask her what happened and why she was ignoring me. She didn't show up though.

"I never saw her again."

I let the tears fall down, the second time today. I just hope Emery doesn't have night-vision or supersonic hearing or whatever angel magic shit there is.

"I'm sorry," she finally says, but I don't think she is. It's just her pitying me. And even if she is genuinely sorry, it doesn't explain why her bed is empty the next morning and why the picture on the bedside table is gone.