Chapter 161: Saying Goodbye (2)
"Alicia." A familiar voice called out to me. I have heard this voice many times since I arrived in this palace. But even after this many years I can't help but feel the distance between us.
I look around to find king father walking towards me. All the people that he passed by bowed down to him.
"Greetings to you king father." I curtsied when he was just a few steps in front of me.
"Rise my child." Father said
I looked up and see father looking at me with love and affection that he has never once shown to me before. This surprised me so I turned my gaze away, not to the extent that he would notice.
"Let me look at you before you leave." Father gently cupped my face and raised my face. He looked at me with such warmth. "You really have your mother's looks."
My father's words gave me a sense of warmth. Something I have craved from him since the first time I met him.
"I want to apologize to you my child." Father's voice was firm and gentle. "I have never been such a father to you. I know that in your heart, you have some ill feelings towards me."
His words shook me. It is true that I have some ill feelings against him to some extent. It has been many years since he has taken me in as his daughter but he never once been a father to me. Even though in the exterior, I seem to be okay with his cold treatment towards me but deep down inside, I have always hoped he would love me even just a bit. The years that I lived and grew up with my step siblings, seeing them being treated well by my father made me envious.
And now with father's words, my inner most feelings are trying to surface. I was trying to suppress the tears that are at the rim of my eyes.
"Oh, my Alicia." Father might have seen how I was fighting back the tears from falling. He quickly pulled me into his embrace. "Shh, don't cry. It's father's fault. It's all this father's fault."
His words broke the dam that was holding back my feelings. I then cried out loud like a child in her father's embrace.
"Why? Why only now father?" I let out my pent-up frustration on him. "I have always craved for your love. I have tried my best to be well behaved. I have always hoped that even though I was just an illegitimate child if I behaved well you would at least give a glance or a simple recognition. But it was all in vain. I thought you really never loved me, that I was just a mistake that you made for only one night with my mother who was only a maid."
"Shhhh...Shhhh. It's my fault, please forgive me." Father was patting my back trying to console me. "I know my past actions cannot be forgiven lightly and all my reasons are just excuses, but please don't think that I do not love you."
Father held my face and lifted it up. He gently wiped away the tears with his thumb. "I have always loved you as my daughter Alicia. You were never a mistake my child. Don't ever think of that. Your mother is the only woman I have ever loved in my life. I had made bad choices, wrong decisions and I have regretted all of them until now. But at least I want to correct one mistake and that is to show you that I love you, my daughter."
Hearing the words 'I love you' and 'My daughter' made my heart squeeze with both pain and happiness. This made me cry even more and father never let go of me in his embrace. He continuously comforted me in my sobs.
I didn't know how long I have cried after my sobs have subsided. When I calmed down, father released me from his embrace.
"Are you alright now?" Father asked me with gentleness while wiping the remaining tears away.
