Thats Life

Chapter Twenty-Seven

"Any fun plans today?" Tyson asks.

I glance over to him just to find his eyes meet mine. "Me?" Is he really asking me that? "Umm. No Tys I am a recovering suicidal drug addict, I don't have friends, and I can't do what people my age do for 'fun' So no, I do not have any fun plans today." In fact, I've been sitting on the couch staring at the ceiling fan for the past 30 minutes. Life is so boring when you aren't destroying yourself.

"You're snappy." He looks back down at his phone, probably not wanting to start something.

I'm not sure why, but I have been very snappy these past few days, I'm not sure what's getting into me. It's probably the whole 'not on drugs' thing, because the angry feelings I've been trying to push down are constantly resurfacing a bit. I'm always able to manage it, just enough but sometimes it slips out.

"I'm not snappy. That was just a dumb question." As true as that was, I should have just stopped talking.

"Hey now, don't be rude. I was just trying to start a conversation." He obviously doesn't want to talk to me anymore, because he never looks up from his phone when he speaks.

The front door opens, and William comes in, throwing his keys on the entryway table. "Fuck work, man." He walks in and falls onto the couch next to me, rubbing his face. "What are you guys doing?" He asks.

"Be careful, questions like that trigger Jacey boy here now."

God, I am so glad that nickname decided to stick around.

"It doesn't trigger me. It was a stupid question!" The annoyance is clear in my voice. Seriously, why is he so caught up on that?

"What, asking what you're doing?" Will asks looking between Tyson and me.

Tyson drops his phone and looks up to will. Now he wants to be present for a conversation. "Yeah dude. You can't ask questions like that, isn't the answer obvious?!" He's mocking me, faking the same angry annoyance I'm feeling, then gets up to go to the kitchen.

"Fuck you, Tys." After flipping him off through the wall, I stand up and head to my room, slamming the door behind me. I hate that being so upset kind of feels good, I hate being easily irritable but the anger when it's not being drowned out by sadness feels kind of good... like power. Which probably isn't a good thing, but I push it to the depths of my brain and lock it under the door labeled "things to worry about later."

Today was day one of working on myself, which for step one, was looking for a job. There aren't many places around our neighborhood, but honestly, I'm looking for anything within walking distance. Maybe I could work at a boxing ring, then use it to get out this pent-up frustration and anger. I pull out the computer and start looking for anywhere hiring. I find a few places right away, a movie theater, a coffee shop, some clothing stores, and a gas station, then there are more laborious jobs like house, and school cleaning, an autobody shop, and a construction company. Currently, Will is working with construction, and I don't want to somehow manage to be in the same company as him. Plus, one look at my body will tell you I am not made for heavy lifting. So, hopefully any of the jobs will take me, that way I can put that at the bottom of my list.

Under the desk, my leg is shaking causing a clicking sound on either the desk itself, or something on it. I don't mind it though, it's a good sound to stay focused on. I can't help but think about how much easier focusing and looking through jobs would be if I had a drink or something next to me. My first craving since being back, nice. I know we cleaned and emptied out my room, but I can help to glance at all the places I used to hide bottles in hopes that maybe one will appear. When I decide it's getting to be too much for my head to handle, I grab a lighter from Tyson, and head outside. After lighting the end of the cig, I decide to go on a half walk, half jog around the block. I am not in shape, so even just the quick 10 minutes wipes me out by the time I get home. But it did exactly what I needed to get the pestering thoughts out of my head.