I have loved a few people in my life, and it never ended well. I always end up being the person na naghahabol sa isa lalaki. In that point of my life, naisip ko na baka yun na talaga ang nakatadhana sa akin. Before, I was the type of person na madaling ma-attach, madaling ma-fall, at madali rin masaktan.
Noong bata ako, I always admired the concept of falling in love with a person. I thought na katulad lang ito nung mga napapanood ko sa mga drama, teleserye, at movies. Pero, hindi pala.
Habang lumalaki ako at nagmamahal, doon ko na realise na hindi pala ganon kadali ang pagpasok sa isang relasyon. I had to learn the hard way about it kumbaga. Nagmahal ako ng isang lalaki. Siya ang nagparanas sa akin ng lahat for the first time. Sa kanya ko unang naramadaman ang kilig, saya, lungkot, pagka-miss at lahat lahat. He made my heart beat fast whenever he's nearby.
Minahal ko sya ng ilang taon at hinintay ko sya. He was my bestfriend but at the same time he's the love of my life. Pero hindi nya alam ang lahat ng ito because his heart belongs to another person. Sa kanya naranasan ko na i-gaslight ang sarili ko na ayos lang ang lahat, na may pag-asa pa. Hinayaan ko ang sarili ko na umasa kahit hindi naman pala dapat. Kaya nung malaman ko na sya pa rin ang gusto nya, nasaktan ako kahit na alam ko naming wala ng pag-asa noong una pa lamang.
Nabulag ako ng pagmamahal ko sa kanya, to the point na hindi ko na alam na nasasaktan ko na pala ng sobra ang sarili ko.
I loved him too much. I was so scared of losing him na hindi ko namalayan that I did something that ruined my life just to keep him. He was my biggest mistake and my biggest lesson.
But even after all that, I'm still thankful for him. He was that one tool that helped me change and learn even if it hurt like hell.
He was my moon, and I was the sun.
We can never be together forever.
To my dearest,
I have loved you with all my heart and I will always do. You made me realise the importance of love and a person. You are the love of my life and I hope I can tell you that personally. Your heart may belong to another, but my heart and my love will always be yours. I hope in another life or universe, we can be together. Today might hurt and be painful for me, but I know it will pass. I wish you well in life and I hope you love someone the way I did. My love, you are the greatest thing that happened in my life even if it ended so soon. Until the next solar eclipse, my moon. I love you.
Yours truly,
sol
