Y/N Scamander and his journey through Hogwarts

Chapter 1: Lads do be laddin

Y/N: Hi, I'm Y/N! And this is my book bitches. Don't let the author tell you otherwise.

Voltzy: Fuck you bitch you're 11.

Y/N: Still get more hoes that you. Anyway, as you can tell this is mainly focused on comedy, fourth wall breaks, blah blah blah cause Voltzy cant write a good book. So if you're in to criticise this story then fuck off ya scallywag. Oh and also this book is gonna contain the whole works of the 8 films so its probably gonna be like 2 days long or something.

Voltzy: Yeah, I dont have the books so sorry guys but I'll try add in elements of the books that I've seen in other fanfics. Anyway, lets get this story started!

Y/N is no ordinary child. He loves animals and all kinds of them, except one, bears. Though where are you gonna find bears in the UK? Not around the block I'll tell you that. The only bears that Y/N knew around were in the zoo. Which, unfortunately was where his father worked part time. Don't get me wrong, he loved the zoo, but having to walk past that hauntingly familiar bear pit every time he went to see his beloved reptiles was a pain.

Today was no different. Another trip past the bears and he was back looking at the fascinating reptiles. As he looked at the bearded dragon (which for some unknown reason did not have a beard) he felt a slight rustle in his blazer. He looked into it and saw Mr Business ruffling around his inside pocket, fiddling with several gold coins.

Y/N: Shush Mr Business! Someone might see you. You were supposed to stay back home and be with BC.

Mr Business gave some high pitched squabbling noises and pointed at a glass enclosure. Inside, Y/N saw Baby Cold crawling above a python along a branch.

Y/N: Ah, jesus.

Y/N quickly rushed over to the python enclosure where a boy was stood admiring it. Thankfully, it didn't seem he noticed and was too fixated in the snake. He seemed to be talking to it in ... Parseltongue? Eh, muggles do be evolving.

Y/N: Hello there fellow human male adolescent! Keep your eyes on the snake please.

The boy looked over to him in confusion.

Boy: Umm, what?

Y/N: Nothing! Hi, I'm Y/N Scamander. And you are?

Harry: Oh, I'm Harry, Harry Potter.

Y/N: Harry ... Potter? Nope, never heard of you Mr Potter.

Harry: Well I'd expect not. I'm not allowed out much.

They stood in silence with eachother and just looked at the snake. Suddenly, a great mass of meat pushed them both out the way with a nasty shove as Y/N clanked onto the floor.

Dudley: Look! Harry got it to move!

Y/N looked at Harry who glared at Dudley intently. As if by magic, the glass disappeared, letting Dudley fall through the enclosure and the python. It gave a hiss and a nod at Harry before it slid away. As Dudley got back up from his fall, he reached out but his hand hit the solid glass. He screamed and shouted as if that would do anything as his mother screamed in worry as his father looked coldly at Harry who was laughing. As Harry was being dragged off, Y/N was crouched walking besides him.

Y/N: Mr Potter! What did you say your last name was?

Harry: Uhh, Potter?

Y/N: Harry ... Harry Potter. Alright, see you around Mr Potter.

Harry was dragged back into his card as Y/N ran off back into the reptile house.

Y/N: Alright then, where would that darn Niffler be?

He felt a tug at his trouser legs and a lump crawling up them as Baby Cold curled up besides Mr Business and slept.

Y/N: You two are in big trouble. Do you know what this means?

Y/N took out a coin from his pocket as Mr Business tried to wrestle it back from him.

Y/N: Oh calm down! You're just gonna nick it back when I'm asleep anyway.

Satisfied with this strategy, Mr Business settled into the pocket and nestled himself against Baby Cold.

Y/N: Now where would I find my creator.

He scanned around the area until he saw his father, tending to the penguins. When he saw his father leave the enclosure, he quickly rushed up to him.

Y/N: Father! Papa! Monsieur Dad! Big Cheese! Oh I could do with some cheese right now.

His father rubbed his head affectionally.

Dad: Hey, Y/N. Why do you seem so excited?

Y/N: It's Harry, Harry Potter! He was at the zoo! Looking at a snake!

Dad: Harry Potter? But how can you tell?

Y/N: I asked him his name.

Dad: Well I'm sure that theres many hundreds of Harry Potters in britain. Did he have the scar?

Y/N: Scar? Huh? Probably. I mean, like, Dumbledore put him with the muggle family when he was one, I remember Hagrid telling me. And he looked around my age, maybe a little younger so yup.

Dad: Listen, talk to Dumbledore about it, I'm sure he could tell you all about where Harry is now. But now lets just go home, my shift ended. Plus we dont want your mother feeding the Demiguise again. She's useless when it comes to their basic care. I swear she only married me because of how cute they are.

Y/N: Can we ride Cyclone back?

Dad: In broad daylight whilst we're surrounded by muggles? Sure, I don't see a problem- no. We're not having another ministry incident here. You're on thin ice already when you thought that a parrot was an Animagus. We still have it at our house for crying out loud. Now come on, if you're good I'll get you ice cream.

They walked together back to the car and headed back home, stopped for ice cream like promised.