Wild and Out of Control

|chapter nineteen|

"The first rush of power is unmistakable. The first time it forms to you, surrounds you with a seemingly endless supply of energy, you'll be addicted to the high, to the possibilities of all you can do with it, to the control you hold in the palm of your hand. But here's the thing: that power can quickly turn and control you."

- PAGE NINETY, THE BOOK OF ANTONY

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|danica|

Rhiannon swings her bow staff, and I throw my weight into performing a backend kick over, using my left leg to throw her off her feet. She lands on the mat with an oomph as the breath gets knocked out of her lungs.

     I pick up her discarded bow staff and hold it inches away from her face, showing her mercy that no other opponent would give. I might have knocked them out by now if she were someone else, but Rhi was my Squadmate and one of my closest friends. I would give her that mercy. But that might be my downfall as she uses the opportunity to pull a move that knocks me to my feet by twisting her body around my legs and pulling me down until my face meets the mat.

     My ears ring as I try to focus my gaze, but I am unable to before Rhi is above me, pushing the bow staff she took back from me to my throat. I sigh, accepting my defeat as I tap on the mat three times. Rhi tilts her head to the side as a confused expression crosses her face as she drops the bow staff, stands, and offers her hand to me. "What? Not even going to try to fight back? Are you hurt?"

     "No. I'm fine." I push myself up from the floor, ignoring her hand. Annoyance floods my system as I notice the rest of my Squad looking at me with confused and even disappointed expressions—mostly from Imogen.

     "No, you're not. This is not you."

     "She's not wrong," a deep voice says from behind me. 

     In my peripherals, I see Liam standing, and I mutter a curse under my breath. I don't dare to look as he passes by our mat, accompanied by Garrick as usual. "No one asked for your opinion, Wingleader Riorson, so go away unless you have something useful to say. Which is impossible since you don't care."

     He doesn't answer, instead taking a position on a mat closer to the center of the sparring gym. Rhiannon's eyes flare, and Liam shakes his head. "What?"

     "The way you talk to him," Rhi murmurs as I step off the mat, Violet taking my place across from her.

     "What's he going to do? Kill me?" I take a spot on the bench next to Liam. "Plus, I don't care that much what I say to him. It won't hurt his feelings. He doesn't have any."

     "You'll likely kill each other," Liam chimes in, which earns him a slap on the arm from me. "Can't wait to see how you two function after graduation." After graduation.

     "Just shut up." I ignore any of the comments from my Squad as I focus on braiding a strand of my hair. I didn't need to deal with any of this today, not after the letter I received from my father this morning. It was less than motivating with the central message of him wanting me to manifest a signet already. I haven't even started channeling yet, let alone a signet. I shouldn't care what he thinks, but for some reason, I want his approval. 

     Rhiannon is going easy on Violet as they spar, with the latter telling her to fight her for real and not give her mercy. Normally I would agree, but isn't that what I just did to Rhiannon? Give her a mercy that no other opponent would give her? I'm no better. I might be willing to slit the throat of any enemy I have, but I refuse to hurt any of my friends.