Come Back To Me My Love

6

My stomach churned, my heart flutters, goosebumps appear, and many things that I've felt before when I was with Severus. But this type of feeling feels worse than going on a first date with him. I didn't even know what to wear that day, let alone how to speak.

"Severus?" I call out again when I opened his door. He always keeps it locked. He never once forgot to lock the door.
"Severus please answer me." I slowly step inside, hoping he's here to stop me from entering any further. That way I know he's here but still no answer.

The more I step inside, the more my stomach turns upside down. I kept having to push those memories away if I want to concentrate on what I came here for.
With one scan around the room, I've realized how depressed he was. Or is. There's just so many things going on here.

I walk towards the living room and see his cape shriveled up into a ball and looks like someone has thrown it. There are coffee mugs with coffee stains inside and out on the small table. It's like he hasn't washed them in weeks. Maybe even years.

When I go to the kitchen, everything is a mess. Dishes are not washed, hand towels everywhere, food stains on the counter, and there's a couple of clothing of his that are thrown to the floor.

I look up at the cabinet where we once stored alcohol. My hand trembles just to open it. But when I do, there's nothing. There's no alcohol bottles. That's when my memories and anxiety had calmed down. Is that what I needed to see to stop those memories from coming back to me?

In the dining room, the chairs are not aligned and the utensils are on the table and floor as if he threw them. But what hurt the most... what hurt to see laid out on the dining table... was a map of Hogsmeade and Diagon Alley. There are red X's all over the map, indicating that he's searched there. Droplets of tears fell to the floor when I looked closer and saw the red X's written on top of each other over and over and over again. He didn't just double or triple check, he checked the same areas various times without even stopping. He never really stopped looking for me.

"Oh Severus." I whisper in sympathy.
I looked at the map once more and saw a circle that he drew.

It's the candy store where we first saw each other after more than 5 years. He circled that place, indicating that he found me.
I kept looking at the circled candy store until something caught my attention in my peripheral view.
That's when I see it. The black box near the corner of the table.

I pick it up with a shaky hand and decide to open it.
And there it is. The engagement ring he wanted to give me back then. He kept this ring all these years.
I take out the ring and gently place it on my ring finger. A smile appeared with teary eyes from seeing the ring shine within the light. He picked out a beautiful ring but never got to use it. And now here I am wanting to use it. I suddenly want him to ask me to marry him. I want to be with him.
But I still don't know if I should forgive him. I need some answers first.

When I hear the doorknob turn from the bedroom, I quickly take off the ring and put it back in the box, setting it down on the table.

When I turn around, I see the love of my life walking towards the dining room where I'm in. His perfect posture, his walk, his seriousness, and his concentration is what made me fall in love with him. And the way he looked at me when he said he loved me was when I truly wanted to be with him forever.

When he finally notices me, he looks back at the door then back at me, wondering how I got in.

"Um, your door was unlocked." I say quietly. Severus just nods and head towards the kitchen. When he grabs a glass cup from the cabinet close to the alcohol storage, I swallow hard and step back from remembering the past. But when he only got water, I let out a shaky breath of relief.