Akk is in deep trouble.
After literally coming to realize his feelings for Ayan a few nights ago, he's too embarrassed to face him. Hands constantly shaking every time they video chatted, he would often try to create an excuse to hang up the call at the drop of a pin. Brief flashbacks from his previous "late night activity" serving as a cruel reminder of his shame. It was unbearable.
He just needed time to process everything.
Ayan is his best friend. Since the beginning, they've always had a very intimate yet platonic relationship so it scares Akk that he's suddenly seeing him in a new light.
There's no other explanation for why his throat feels like it's closing up every time they talk, and his chest tightens when he sees Ayan smile softly. It's as if he's possessed by the way he gets excited listening to Ayan's long-winded stories, which would usually put anyone else to sleep.
He wishes he could go back to six months ago when Ayan was still here and these thoughts never crossed his mind.
But now he knows. He can no longer pretend like he doesn't feel anything when anyone brings Ayan's name into conversation. It's become painfully obvious how his desires to be near him were more than just friendly.
He's finally aware of how desperately and hopelessly in love with him he is.
Akk refuses to think about confessing, afraid it could send him spiraling down a road of negative thoughts.
How would Ayan even react to finding out? Would he be disgusted?
No, Ayan isn't like that but it still doesn't change the terrifying possibility of being rejected.
Despite how he feels about Ayan, he made a promise to himself that night.
He was going to do everything he can to bury these thoughts and feelings deep inside. Ayan already has enough to worry about with his uncle and moving to a new country. He doesn't need Akk's feelings dragging him down too.
He's managed to hide a variety of things about himself for years. How hard could it be to hide this secret?
Akk was sitting at his desk while organizing a stack of papers. They were neatly sorted by color-coded file tabs. While his environmental space appeared well-ordered, his mind was the definition of chaos.
In the middle of his sorting, he hears his phone ringing to a familiar tune. It was the ringtone he set for Ayan's number. Instantly, his heart begins to beat rapidly as the blood in his ears pools with nervousness. He waits a moment before finally picking up the device and answering the video call. Nervously, he places the phone in a position that allows it to stand up and show himself clearly.
"Hey! How've you been? I feel like we haven't talked in a while," Ayan says cheerily.
He's still as handsome as ever, Akk thinks to himself. Despite their frequent conversations, it continues to surprise Akk how overjoyed he gets every time he sees Ayan. Ayan's typically styled hair now falls softly in cascading layers towards the ends. Akk is desperate to run his fingers through each strand, hoping to imbue his scent into his own skin.
Akk quickly readjusts his focus to answer Ayan's question.
"Hi, Aye. Things are still a bit chaotic over here, especially with midterms coming up. Haven't had a moment of peace, haha." Akk answers.
"Mmh," Aye hums in response, "Yeah, school has been busy for me as well. I'm absolutely dreading this project for my Fundamentals of Web Media Technology class. It's as if every time I produce something, my professor has something new to say. At this point, he's extended the project deadline three times." Ayan lightly plays with his hair out of stress. "What midterms do you have coming up?"
YOU ARE READING
Only the Moon Knows How I Feel for You
浪漫Akk and Ayan have been close friends for years. Suddenly, Ayan has to temporarily move to America to help his sick uncle. During this time, Akk realizes his feelings for his best friend but refuses to confess. When Ayan returns, Akk is shocked to fi...
