Dangerous Romance - Emptiness

Loneliness - Part 2

When he got home and opened the front door, all was dark. He couldn't have said how he had gotten here. Sailom put his bags down right by the entrance, switched on the light and let his gaze roam around the room. All was so very familiar to him. He was home and he couldn't remember having lived anywhere else before. Even with his eyes closed, he knew everything inside out, knew exactly where to find what, why a piece of furniture had scratches or dents and where they came from. Normally, the familiarity of the place, even though it was small and everything in it was old and worn, gave him a sense of peace and comfort. But at that moment he felt nothing. In a strange way, it was as if he didn't belong here, as if there was no connection to this place, as if it had lost its meaning. Perhaps it was the realisation that Saifah was no longer here, could not be here, and that there was little or no hope that he would return soon, that made it so difficult to be all alone in his childhood place. His gaze fell on the old couch and lingered on it. The mere fact that Saifah was behind bars weighed heavily on him. And yet, his thoughts revolved around something rather different while he stood dripping from the rain in the middle of his living room. It was here where Kang had taken care of him. Unbeknownst to him, who was fast asleep with fever, Kang had helped him lie down on the old couch and stayed with him all night. He had even finished their homework as Sailom was unable to do it himself. Before, he had never known that Kanghan could be so selfless or care so much about others.

But Kang wasn't with him now. Sailom's face fell. He wouldn't come here to help him, and he certainly wouldn't take care of him now. This realisation brought back another, very unpleasant, an unwanted memory of a completely different kind that he couldn't shake off.

The feeling of safety and comfort had disappeared the night he had ironed his school uniform, still upset after the heated argument he had had with his impertinent classmate only hours before. This time, this arrogant jerk really had gotten under his skin. Sailom hated to admit it (even to himself), but he couldn't stop thinking about it. What had he done to him to prompt such a savage outburst? No doubt, it must have been the kiss in the old gym that he had given him in front of everyone to see and that had driven the fight between them to extremes. Unconsciously, Sailom raised his hand to his face, softly running his fingers over his lips. It was the first time he had ever kissed anyone. And even though he had done it to get back at Kang, to spite him, he was still the boy he had feelings for, which he couldn't erase.

But the situation quickly escalated afterwards. The audacity of calling him out in a parent group chat with an incredibly vicious lie, and then provoking him even further by insulting him and his brother marked a new height of their hostility. He should never have stooped to his level though, and shamed him in front of the whole school. Then again, if he hadn't provoked Kang to that extent, he wouldn't have turned up that evening. Undeniably, this moment had changed the dynamics between them.

Kanghan had definitely not come to pay "a friend" a visit, but actually to continue the fight the two of them have had before. Sailom was sure that he had come to get revenge on him, that he would go to any lengths to continue to force him into submission, a satisfaction he would not give him. Unbeknownst to both of them, Kanghan became Sailom's saviour that night and remained close to him thereafter. They didn't become instant friends, but Kang had obviously lost all interest in making Sailom's life miserable or making him suffer after the violent incident he had stumbled into without knowing what was going on.

Sailom stared at the space in front of the couch where he had crouched helplessly until Kang had pulled him close and offered him unquestioning shelter. The water dripped from his hair, his clothes and a small pool began to form on the carpet beneath him. He couldn't care less. He stood rooted to the spot in the living room, the memory of that terrible and at the same time crucial night and how he had felt, was present to him as if it had happened a few minutes ago; first the fear of the unbearable torture to which he was helplessly exposed, and then the feeling that Kanghan was closer to him than anyone had been since the death of his parents. Without realising it, he wrapped his arms around himself and clutched the wet sleeves of his shirt almost as tightly as he had done with Kang.