She could count her heartbeat, it was so loud in her ears, ringing wildly. He came little closer to her and she backed away, she did not know why she did not wanted anyone to touch her, not even him. Thanks to seven years of their marriage and one year of courtship, he knew her enough to catch a signal, the minimal move in her body language, and he got it. He backed up. It was time he speak up. He took a deep breath and said it. He informed her that he was signed out from office at 2 and the rest of the night he spent with his ex-girlfriend. Recently she got transfer at his work place from another city, and to celebrate the small project success, he went to his project team leader's penthouse after work. It was just a drink and he would come home, he decided. Just one drink, for formality, and he would come to his wife, he thought. There were few drinks, more than one and then there were talks, both professional and personal. She was there all the time, and out of nowhere she kissed him, from denial to agreement, he kissed her back and there was make out in the other room, and then sleep overpowered him and he dozed out, forgetting everything.
She chewed her bottom lip, crossed her arms and closed her shivering eyes. He said nothing. He just started at her and her shivering eye lashes. She was trying so hard to keep it together, to not break down in front of him, she took a deep, long breath and opened her eyes. She looked at him directly in the eyes and asked whether he slept with her or not. He denied. She asked again whether he enjoyed it or not. He denied. She asked whether he did it purposefully, with his own will. He denied. And then, she got up, he tried to stop her, tried to catch her hands and she forcefully rejected it and pushed it, causing the table to move away, and there it was, the breakfast tray was broken. Her French toast on the damp floor with coffee spilled all over the slightly wet floor. There was no sound except rain, wild and stormy rain. They both looked at the floor, French toast and the coffee. After what seemed like ages, he looked at her, and she looked at him. She told him that she needed space and left.
He looked at her, going away from him and did nothing. He just started at her and after she was out of the sight, he kept looking at nothing in particular. Few moments later, he found himself cleaning up the mess on the floor and out of nowhere, strange little tears came to his eyes, to which he gave a strong fight, and defeated ultimately. He didn't know what he broke but inside his heart he knew that something was broken between them and he knew undoubtedly that nowhere in near future he would be able to fix it. He got up, took the tray to the kitchen, took the smallest piece of French toast and ate it. Little smile curved on his face, he loved her. He had just broken her heart but he knew that he loved her enough to break it and make it. All she needed was time, as he convinced himself while cleaning the kitchen one last time. After few minutes he saw her coming out from their bedroom, in work cloths. Damn. He knew it. He tried to say something but he did not.
She immediately closed the bedroom door. And stopped. Only deep breaths and loud heartbeats, were the sound she could hear. Strangely there were no tears in her eyes, she could not cry. She just stood numb by the door and suddenly she moved fast towards the bathroom and turned on the hot shower. There. It felt good. Hot shower. She stood in the shower for few minutes, came outside and got ready for work. She just knew that she had to keep moving, to get involved in daily activity so that she could not think much on anything. She did not wanted to think anything, she just wanted to avoid this. She did. When she came outside, she saw him cleaning the kitchen. And then she looked at the mess in the tray, and noticed that the little piece of her handmade French toast was gone. He ate it. Somehow, deep down, a warm feeling rushed to her heart and just like that it was gone. She looked at him and knew that he was going to say something but then he did not. She chose not to wait and went out immediately.
For the first time ever in her car, she did not turned on the music. For the morning, she was better off without the music, the sound of rain was enough. On her way, she drove like numb, necessary care but not active. A beep of mobile helped her coming out from trance. She looked at her mobile but did not see the message. She just drove again like she was, only this time, more actively and watchfully. Other thoughts stopped, she was at least convinced that she was early at her work after months. She parked the car and approach for the elevator. On the way, she saw the message. It was from him.
