SAY DON'T GO || A Taylor Swift Story

07.

Trigger warning for mentions of suicidal thoughts and physical abuse.

~V~

09.25.23
"Hey! Austin!" I yelled to one of the eighth graders who wouldn't just put his saxophone down as we walked out to the practice field. "You're running laps when we get to the field."

Austin reluctantly pulled his saxophone away from his face, tucking it underneath his arm as he rejoined a conversation with another one of the few eighth graders that had made it into the band. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes as I fell in step beside Ms. Hart, who was carrying our speaker out to the field.

"Is everything okay?" Ms. Hart asked me, lowering her voice so it could only be heard by her and me. "You've been a bit snappish today."

I sighed. "I..." I started. "Can we talk after rehearsal? There's something I need to tell you."

"Of course," Ms. Hart said. "Are you doing okay, though?"

I shrugged. "It's... it's complicated."

Ms. Hart nodded. "Do you want to go inside and take a break before rehearsal?" she asked. "It's no problem at all if you want some time to refresh before you start working."

I shook my head, running my hand over the French braids that Taylor had done in my hair. "I... I took the morning off of school," I said. "This is the first class that I'm coming in for. I wanted... I needed to be at band. Takes my mind off of other things going on."

"Alright," Ms. Hart nodded. "If at any point that changes, just let me know. In the meantime, try to take it easy, okay?"

Ms. Hart rubbed my shoulder as I nodded. "Okay. Sorry. Thanks."

Ms. Hart looked over her shoulder, beckoning Violet over to us as I fidgeted with the tassels on my mace. She said something to Violet for a second as I walked ahead, my eyes narrowing at some of the underclassmen that were fooling around together ahead of me. Even though I was a freshman, being a drum major made me feel like I'd grown up faster than the average high school student, especially since all of my friends in the band were at least a year or two older than me. Plus, I'd already been in the band for a year prior to this, so I didn't feel like I was a rookie, like most of the freshmen did.

Violet ran up to me, throwing the arm that wasn't holding her mace around my shoulder. "What's going on?" she asked.

I sighed. "I'm not sure if this is the time to tell you, but yeah, you probably should know..."

Violet rolled her eyes. "Please. I'll pick a few section leaders to run stretches for us, and you and I can talk while we set up the ladders."

"If you're sure..." I said, glancing back at Ms. Hart to make sure that she would also be okay with Violet's plan.

She nodded, giving me a gentle smile. "Go ahead."

"Okay," I nodded.

Violet pulled me out of earshot of Ms. Hart, hanging behind the rest of the band. "What's up?" she asked.

I let out a heavy sigh. "Um... I... last night... I attempted."

Violet's eyes widened. "Wait, like—"