Just Another Bitch in Love (The Other Way Around)

Kabanata 1

Kabanata 1
"It begins with her"

Fingers doubled into my palm, my hand clenched with the lighter pressed after lighting the five candles.

For grief. For courage. For memories. For love. For hope.

My eyes settle at the beautiful portrait just above the slowly burning candles. The golden frame that holds the painting glows as subtle light from the flame that reaches it.

Her hair is long with natural big waves that reach below her chest. She has a small face with not so soft features. It is perfectly contoured that it gives her a fierce look. Her eyes are deep set just like mine. Her full lips are stretched as she gives a little smile.

Natuon ang paningin ko sa kanyang ilong. She hated it. It was her biggest insecurity. How I remember her complaining about it countless times. She wanted a small pointed nose over a high bridge one. She believed it made her look snob and arrogant. But despite it all, she is beautiful.

Bumigat ang paghinga ko. Humigpit pa ang pagkakakuyom ng mga daliri ko. Umigting ang panga ko sa iilang larawang dumaan sa isip ko. I can feel the rage once again, not that it left my heart. I think I will carry this for the rest of my life. Nothing will ever console me for taking her away from us.

I heard the heavy wooden door opened. I didn't move. Narinig ko ang mga hakbang hanggang sa huminto sa aking tabi. I heard a sigh.

Both of us are now looking at the painting above the altar.

"Do you think forgetting her is for the best?" Narinig kong tanong ni Raikko, my brother.

My lips purse in a grim line.

"We can't even say her name... Fuck."

Hindi ko pa rin inaalis ang tingin sa kanya. I wanna remember every feature of her, so there will be no chance for me to forget how she looks like. These days, I felt like her face fades in my memory. I don't want that. Not even a bit.

"May she forgive us for doing so."

Inilapag ni Raikko ang dalang bulaklak. White Calla Lily. Her favorite.

"Wanna grab a drink?"

Binaling niya sa akin ang tingin. Raikko taps my shoulder after not hearing a reply from me. Hindi rin nagtagal ay umalis na siya. Naiwan muli akong mag-isa.

Unti-unting nauupos ang mga kandila. The silence is deafening.

As my right hand reaches for the urn placed in the middle of the altar, my fingertips make contact to the glass that shelters it. Napapalibutan ito ng naka-preserve na mga bulaklak. The rose gold urn has a fine engrave of her name.

Renaissa Caraleine E. Montalba

Today is her eighteenth birthday.

But we can no longer give her the party she deserves. We can't even give her a decent mass. Or at the very least commemorate her life. How fuck up is that?

Fuck!

"Rurik, alam mong mahigpit na ipinagbabawal ng Papa mong buksan at pakialaman pa ito." Seryoso at kritikal na saad ni Tito Hermes. Siya ay matalik na kaibigan ng aming pamilya. Investigation and Security Services is his business and expertise. At siya mismo ang may hawak ng kaso.

My jaw clenched repeatedly hearing the same words from him.

"I understand that you are still grieving. Pero, hijo..." Bumuntonghininga siya pagkatapos idantay ang mga bisig sa lamesang kaharap niya. "You should not be hearing this from me... pero maniwala ka sa karma."