Counting Footsteps

{Chapter 2}

Chapter 2

It appeared that my tears from earlier had dried into the dashboard.  For that, I was grateful.  I didn’t have to look at the stained wet leather and feel the need to cry again.  Instead, I leaned forward to apply some makeup, looking in the mirror of the car’s open visor.  Carter had convinced me that I should at least do something dramatic with my eyes if I wasn’t going to dress as revealing as she had.  I complied after reminding myself that you have to pick your battles in the world, and fighting with Carter was rarely worth it.  She always won in the end.  I felt her beat up Mustang pick up beneath us as it forcefully roared to life.  I tried to steady my hand as I traced the outline of my eyelid with black liner as the car traveled on the broken road before us.  I filled in my lids with copper and gold, creating a metallic smokey cat eye that I knew Carter would be satisfied with.  I dabbed concealer under my eyes to hide my still swollen red cheeks.  After finishing and closing my makeup compact I shut the visor and slumped back onto the car seat with yet another sigh.  I reached a hand towards the old-fashioned dial radio, turning up the first station that I could find.  A familiar melody blasted through Carter’s top-of-the-line speakers.  Her car, which she’d named temporarily named Kelly, was a constant contradiction.  It was beat-up, old-fashioned, and falling apart, but with a new paint job, and the best speakers on the market, it was good enough for her.  She sang along to the chorus, her voice smooth and unfaltering.  

“Welcome to the new age, whoa, I’m radioactive, radioactive,” her voice filled the car and traveled out the open window.  The February breeze raised the hair on the back of my neck, sending a shiver down my spine.  

Soon enough, she pulled onto a winding road, lit only by the hazy brights of the Mustang.  Carter pulled into the long driveway without checking the address.  There was no need to, the blasting music was probably audible from a mile away.  The car came to a stop and my accomplice practically jumped out with excitement, while I was more hesitant.  I made sure that my phone was tucked safely into my back pocket before shutting the car door.  Carter’s keys were in their usual place, my boot.  It was a rule of ours.  I held on to the keys because God only knew what Carter did when she was drunk.  It was a safety precaution that she actually agreed with me on.

We walked next to each other in a heavy, but rare silence.  I was miserable, but Carter was only concerned with her own needs at the moment.  I resisted the temptation to complain, simply following her into the mansion filled with college students dancing and conversing.  Carter dragged me into the middle of the crowd, encouraging me to dance with her to the blaring dupstep.  For a few minutes, I did as I was told.  I went along with her requests long enough for her to become concerned with a tall blonde who had taken a liking to her.  That’s when I found my feet traveling in the direction of the kitchen, where I poured myself a cup of diet coke, the only non-alcoholic drink there.  I took a seat on the sofa, my head pounding even harder.  The combination of my mental breakdown, the volume of the music, and the heavy scent of alcohol only served to worsen my attitude.  I tilted my head back on the cushion and shut my eyes for a few minutes.  The brown suede pillows molded to me as my body settled.  My eyelids jolted open when I realized I’d almost fallen asleep, drink in hand.  

I stood up from the couch, steadying myself and moving towards the dance floor once again.  Maybe I could lose myself in dancing to try forgetting about my migraine.  It wasn’t one of my best ideas, but I figured it was worth a shot.  I was desperate for an escape from heartbreak and I was quickly running out of options.  I pushed my worries aside and decided that letting go for a few minutes couldn’t hurt.

Bodies molded together amidst the electronic music.  I elbowed my way into the center of the people, where my eyes were met by an attractive brunette just a head taller then me.  His blue eyes bore into me, almost forcing me to dance with him.  His interest in me was as crystal clear as his ocean deep eyes.  The bass dropped, the sounds echoing off each and every wall in the house.  My hips began to sway back and forth to the music in unison with the unnamed guy.  My plan was to lose myself, and lose myself I did.  I felt my body move in ways it never had before.  I felt like Carter for once, no longer my self-proclaimed good girl self.  The music pumped through my veins, the back of my neck grew warm with sweat, my thoughts disappeared.  Warm breath whisked past my ear, sending a shiver down my back.  I heard him whisper “Noah” into my ear, finally putting a name to a chiseled face.  

“Emerson,” I whispered back in the exact same way.  He rested a hand on my hip, pulling me closer with a surprisingly gentle touch.  We continued to dance, lost in each other and the music.  We drew closer and closer, moving in unison in a mass of people.  Reality pounded back when he leaned forward, eyes glistening, boring into mine.  My heart pounded in my chest, echoing through my ears as he closed his eyes and grabbed the back of my head.  Time slowed down as I contemplated what to do next.  It felt too soon, but at the same time, I wanted it.  Something propelled me towards him and I refused to fight it.  

His lips practically crashed against mine as I wove his short hair through my fingers.  His lips were hot and they molded to mine, his warm breath slipping through them.  We stayed like that, chest-to-chest and lips-to-lips.  Noah kissed me in a way I’d never experienced.  Luke’s kisses were soft and sweet, but Noah’s had something I’d never known I was missing.  My heart fluttered at the thought just before I realized our lips were still locked.  We pulled back simultaneously and he looked dumbfounded.  I couldn’t blame him, for I was speechless as well.  The words wouldn’t come out.  Instead, he grabbed my hand, leading me out of the crowd.  

Noah grabbed my cell phone from my back pocket, still not speaking.  He clicked through it as I tried to hide the fact that I was still catching my breath.  He punched phone numbers into both his and my contacts.  I played back everything that had just happened in my mind.  It had been only minutes and I’d kissed a stranger.  My migraine started to rush back and I excused myself to the kitchen for a moment.  My eyes drifted in the direction of a group of guys.  They all threw their heads back with laughter and I realized that it was directed at me.  One of them had a finger outstretched, subtly pointing at me.  I realized they must’ve been watching me for a while.  I was the entertainment.  Thoughts and insecurities flooded my mind, crashing over me like a tidal wave.  I’d had enough.

I let impulses guide me once again.  I rushed through the raging partygoers, only concerned with reaching the door.  My feet shuffled beneath me as the entire day came falling down around me.  Before I knew it, my face was wet with tears once more.  Two drops turned into ten, ten to twenty, and they just kept coming.  I slammed Carter’s door and hit the pedal, pulling out of the driveway.  I turned the radio up loud, letting the tears soak my warm cheeks.  The car’s engine felt amazing beneath me and I finally realized why Carter loved this car.  Driving stick shift propelled adrenaline through my body.  I let my emotions take over.  I let my emotions drive the car, I let them take over my mind.  I rolled down the window and let the cold air hit me, hard.  Pain engulfed me inside and I let the physical extremities engulf me outside, too.  I wasn’t Emerson for a few minutes.  I felt empty and full at the same time.  I didn’t know what to call the feeling.  Broken was all I could think of.  Broken.  That was the last word that echoed through my mind before it all went black.