Midday Clouds - The Charlie Swan Story

Chapter 38 (New Moon 27)

The only thing harder than watching a loved one die is picking up the pieces after they're gone.

 Harry fought. He fought hard. He always had, whether we were wrestling in his parent's backyard or summiting the grueling mountain peaks of Olympic, Harry wasn't one to quit. He seemed to get a little better, even, at the end there. He was talking. He even made a joke, told me he'd convince the elders to let me into the spirit world someday so we could go fishing. He told me his fish fry recipe. The secret ingredient is Old Bay seasoning. I never would've guessed it. Sue was in a daze. Only after he'd gone, though. She was strong right up 'til then. Hell, she was strong after, too, even when the tears came. Even when they pulled the sheet up and rolled him away. Even when the deep, knowing voice of Harry Clearwater was forever silenced from this world.

Seth and Leah showed up in time to say goodbye. As did half the Quileute folks. A sacred fire was burned outside the hospital, and I used my pull as chief to allow for a small pipe ceremony in Harry's hospital room. Songs were sung. Prayers were made. Harry was lucid, and though the pain he was going through was clear as a rare blue-sky day, I noted that the look of fear that had so terrified me was faded from his eyes.

"Charlie," he choked out. Sue and I were flanking him on either side, both holding a hand.

"Yeah. I'm here. We're here," I assured him.

"Sue," he croaked.

"Honey I'm right here." Already, tears were trickling down her face.

He looked back and forth between the both of us, and instead of answering with another word, simply pulled our hands together, making the knuckles touch. "It's. Okay. Please," he said, before the effort of it all forced him to exhale back into the bed, his arms falling to his sides. Sue and I glanced at each other, both with bloodshot puddles for eyes.

"Okay," Sue said to Harry, caressing his forehead as I'd done just a few hours earlier. "I know, Harry. I know."

I let Leah and Seth take my place when they arrived. I talked with the hospital staff, made sure that all the Indigenous customs would be allowed, that visiting hours would be indefinitely extended, that no expense would be spared, that he would not go without. I spoke with the other elders as they arrived, arranging a timetable to ensure that everyone got to visit him as soon as possible, but not all at once. I, as always, felt the odd one out in a sea of people of such a rich culture, such cruel catastrophes, such a shared resolve to not let the evil done upon them by my own forebears win out, to not be erased. I felt honoured to have a place at Harry's bedside, and as I felt his hand grow weaker, I tried to think of anything that I might need to say, here at the end of all things.

"You're my best friend, Harry," I whispered to him. Sue and Leah and Seth were on his other side, but they were huddled together, as if to give me some semblance of privacy in the crowded room. "I love you, man. You know better than any that I was in a really bad place for a long time, there, and you dragged me out of it. I owe everything I am to that, really. I owe it to you. And to Billy. I'm sorry me and him were at odds. It's so stupid to think, now. The three of us just hanging out were some of the best times of my life. They're what made me who I am. Just stay here, Harry. Just stay here with us. Please."

He was gone half an hour after that.

—

The hours after were something of a blur.

There were forms that needed to be filled out. Blessings to be uttered. An entire tribe of people to be delivered the sad news to. Billy was there, and we had our moment together, embracing as I knelt beside him, crying, any old resentments erased in the face of devastation.

I was a shell of a man when I finally staggered up the steps into the house that had for so long tormented me, but was now full of life. I saw that the kitchen light was on. My Bella was home.

She embraced me as I entered the hallway. I held her as dearly to my chest as I'd done the very day she was born, walking her into this very hallway, from that very hospital.

"I'm so sorry about Harry, Dad."

"I'm really going to miss him," I mumbled. The entire car ride home, I was thinking about the new hole in my life. An empty spot on the river bank. An empty space on the couch while watching the game. An empty seat in my cruiser.

"How's Sue doing?" Bells asked.

"She seems dazed, like she hasn't grasped it yet. Sam's staying with her... Those poor kids. Leah's just a year older than you, and Seth is only fourteen..." Too young to lose their father. Too young for such grief.

"Um, Dad?" Bells said, as we made our way to the kitchen. "You'll never guess who's here."

My mind was so wrapped around my own grief, I could hardly understand what she was saying. I spotted a fancy car across the street, but before my Edward alarm bells could even start ringing, I heard a familiar female voice.

"Hi, Charlie, I'm sorry I came at such a bad time."

"Alice Cullen?" I'd never forget the voice on the other end of the phone line all those months ago, telling me about Bella's alleged fall. "Alice, is that you?"

"It's me," she confirmed, stepping into the light. "I was in the neighborhood."

"Is Carlisle...?" I asked, not daring to utter Edward's name in Bella's presence, in our home.

"No, I'm alone."

"She can stay here, can't she?" Bella asked. "I already asked her."

"Of course," I said mechanically. I was in no fit state to entertain, but I'll be damned if I let grief rob me of my hospitality. "We'd love to have you, Alice."

"Thank you, Charlie. I know it's horrid timing."

"No, it's fine, really. I'm going to be really busy doing what I can for Harry's family; it will be nice for Bella to have some company." God, the amount of work ahead of me.

"There's dinner for you on the table, Dad," Bells said.

"Thanks, Bell." I squeezed her shoulder—a little sign of I love you that I'd been doing since she was a kid—and headed into the kitchen, socially exhausted and figuring that Bells and Alice would want some space.

I was too tired to worry much about what Alice Cullen being back in town would mean for Bells. She seemed okay, but it pained me to think she might be hiding just how troubling the reminder of Edward really was for her to be brave for my sake. I left the girls to talking in the living room and trudged up the stairs, falling into a fitful, thankfully dreamless sleep.

The last thought I had before going under was that Harry Clearwater was living, breathing, and laughing at the start of this day. That I would never forget this date. That these memories would be burned into my brain until my own mortal coil burned out. That when I woke up, I'd be waking into a world that Harry couldn't ever follow me into. 

That his train had stopped here.