eden

eden, california

I am breaking all my bones.

Driving down PCH with a boy is like the worst power outage Northern California ever felt. I am holding a candle. I was holding a candle. The wick was burning fast and I was biting my lip as hot wax was rolled down the length of the candle and drooled painfully down my fingers. A memory that feels like white noise and heat death on my skin.

Now, Malcolm is driving down, speeding down in the wrong lane. Bright yellow eyes honk and veer out of our way and I swear that I have never felt so immoral in my entire life. It was only a matter of time until one of these cars obliterated us.

I remember Malcolm and his mother screaming in the living room as I sat on the couch. His mother was crying and screeching as he recounted the time he and I were in his bathroom when he tried to drown himself. He told her about the time he swallowed the contents of his stepfather's vitamins and had to spend the week at Will's house because he couldn't stop throwing up blood. He even told her about the time he fell asleep behind a gas station after they had one of their arguments. I watched as Malcolm spat insults and death threats at his mother and I watched her break down on the carpet whilst clutching the crucifix on her neck so tight that her veins bulged. It eventually snapped and the pearl beads scattered onto the carpet.

The speedometer hit 125.

The headlights in front of us turned into brief afterimages and I couldn't tell if I was experiencing the beginning stages of paranoia or dying.

Malcolm, Julia, Will and I are in William's basement and I am clutching the candle behind Malcolm's neck.

"I swear to God it moves," said Will.

I held the candle to the portrait of Jesus Christ that hung on the wall.

"The eyes move and sometimes he smiles. I saw him do it, I swear."

I hold the candle up to his face and the room disappears except for the illuminated figure of Jesus.

Malcolm begins to cackle as the engine's roar transforms into an exhausting beg for death. I begin to feel small. The cars honk and crash into the highway barrier. Others veer off into the other lane.

Malcolm and I stand over his crying mother as she sobs into her crucifix. Her tears dampen the carpet and I almost frown, but Malcolm spits on her and takes my hand.

"Come on, Eve," he says as he slams the front door.

"The eyes don't move, Will. You were hallucinating," says Julia. "Why the hell did we even come down here while there's a power outage? I'm going upstairs."

Julia blindly collides into a chair and falls as thunder shakes the entire house. Pictures start falling off the wall and we all scream because I drop the candle, the only source of light, on the floor.

The screaming sounds almost like screech of Malcolm's tires as he brings the car to a stop. His head suddenly falls on the center of the steering wheel as begins to cry. Our car maintains a loud and beautiful honk as the madness concludes to a devastating finale. His sobs are identical to his mothers. I touch his back with the tips of my fingers and he sobs my name.

"Eve."

He is Adam and I just devoured the apple and he calls to me for comfort because he knows that Hell awaits. Hell arrives eventually and my blood freezes as the sound of police sirens ominously increases. I am comforting Adam in the car as he sobs and smashes his head into the steering wheel. The car honks several times and I ask, "Malcolm, are you ready?"

We are in the basement and the lights flick on. The power outage is over. Julia is sitting with her hands over her ears and her eyes are shut so tight that wrinkles form around her eyes. William is lying on his back, howling as the wax dries on his shirt. Malcolm is laughing like a ten year old because he revels in destruction. Everyone begins to laugh as other lights begin to flick on and we are reminded that we are only 15 years old and for a brief second we all thought we wouldn't make it to 16.

Malcolm shuts the door and walks to his mother's maroon BMW. He opens the door for me. I get inside.

"Where are we going?" I ask him.

He doesn't answer, but I know what he doesn't say.

We're finally going to PCH.

"What a beautiful car to end the world with." He fires up the engine as I put my seatbelt on.

"Malcolm," I shake his shoulder. "Malcolm, they're here."

He sobs even harder. He tries to talk, but ends up sputtering.

"I know," I say.

"I'm dead. I'm so dead," his voice cracks. He curses. He looks at me. His eyes are red and raw.

"I'm so done, dude, I'm dead. I'm going to be locked up forever."

He continues to sob as he slams his fist on the steering wheel. He cries and yells at the wheel. The police are at the door and they pound on the windows. There isn't a sound as he unlocks the door and the police wrestle him to the ground and press his cheek forcefully against the wet pavement. It continues to rain as the chapter comes to an end: God appears in the garden and calls for Adam.

Malcolm is dragged into a police car. I am now outside. Adam and I make brief eye contact through the glass of the police car as it rolls away.

I remember him laughing with Will as the lights came on. Will shoves Malcolm to the ground because Malcolm called him a pussy. I start laughing at Will, too and he realizes that Malcolm is his brother, even though Malcolm is adopted and an only child. Malcolm is my brother, too even though he yells and cries when he's upset. Malcolm is Julia's brother, also, even though Malcolm was found screaming in a dumpster outside the 7-Eleven on 74th street when he was a baby.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Malcolm?" I ask as he pulls out of the driveway. He doesn't reply.

"One bad argument with your mom doesn't mean that she doesn't love you."

"It's not just one, Eve," he growls at me. It begins to rain.

"It's been like this for a long time. I have gotten so good at self-destruction, you have no idea. There is so much loneliness in my heart."

The officer shakes me awake and I realize that I've been daydreaming. He wears a tall, brown sheriff's hat and his face is weathered and stern.

"Who told you that you were naked?" the sheriff asks.
I blink.

"Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?" God asks again. I am dazed.

"The serpent deceived me, and I ate," I sputter.

"Get in the car," he steps aside and opens the back door of the squad car.

"We'll take you back to the department for questioning."

I obey and get in the back of the car. He shuts the door and drives me out of Eden.