Deku's Secret Illness

Ch.3

It didn't take long for Izuku to remember that secrets were a double-edged sword. He had known what that was like, his entire existence had been a lie the second he stepped foot in UA. This shouldn't have been any different, but it was different. It was so different. Hiding emotional pain is one thing, physical pain another. He could do both. He had done both. He should have been able to handle this, but he just couldn't. He was breaking. Maybe it was the research he had done on his condition, the realization that this disease was fatal, or maybe it was that this time he was alone. Before he had had All Might and his Mom. Now All Might couldn't know and his mom... Izuku doesn't like remembering that. It had been almost a year but he wasn't over it. He doesn't think he'll ever be. Not like it matters now since he'll be joining her soon.

Double-edged sword- that was the best way to describe it.

It had practically chopped his social life to pieces. How can you be truly present when you're constantly worrying about keeping up an exhausting facade?

Izuku spent his days with a smile plastered on his face. That wasn't the hard part. The hard part was interacting knowing that it's all going to be over soon. The hard part was waiting for the other shoe to drop, knowing he was getting weaker each day, trying his best to mask how badly it hurt. And it hurt. It hurt more than anything he had ever experienced. He had broken just about every bone in his body, he'd been through his fair share of nasty burns and cuts, but nothing had ever hurt like this before. His body was turning on him. One for all had always hurt, but never like this. It was exhausting. He was falling behind in classes and people were starting to catch on, so he distanced himself. He stopped being the one to start conversations. He let himself fade into the background just like he had in middle school, and it worked. People left him alone. They were concerned the first week or two, but everyone gave up over time.

It was bittersweet watching them from the outside. He got to see their smiles, their laughter. He was able to watch them live life without him. He knew they would be just fine without him and it was a relief but he would be lying if he said it didn't hurt. He was happy for them and it took a lot of the stress off of him knowing they would be alright without him, that he wasn't that important to them after all, but he also hated how forgettable he could be. He would die and no one would bat an eye. He would die alone.

No matter what he did he would lose. It wasn't fair, nothing about this was fair. Nothing about his life had been fair. He does what he's supposed to he still loses. It doesn't matter how hard he tries there is no winning. It's all just false hope. That's all it ever was. He wants to give up. He wants to stop hiding and he wants to stop fighting, but he's in too deep now. He can't give up. Giving up at this point would just make everything worse. At least this way he can pretend that people would care if they knew. He can pretend that people still care about him. He can pretend. That's enough for him. He's spent his whole life pretending. It's a fitting end for him, he supposes. Doesn't make it suck any less.

Todoroki couldn't help but notice something was wrong. This isn't the Izuku he knew. Izuku Midoriya was sunshine incarnate, an endless ray of light that could brighten any day. He had his days where clouds came to haunt him but it was never like this. It was like the light had turned off. He looked panicked, his smile was more of a grimace. It didn't take long for Izuku to build up his usual facade, but anyone who knew him could see it. Something was very wrong with Izuku Midoriya.

He let it pass at first. Maybe it's an off day or an off week. It's better not to pry, he thought. Then it continued. It went on like this for weeks and most people dropped it. This is just who Midoriya is now. But Todoroki remembered. He remembered who Midoriya was, and this was not Midoriya. He refused to let this go. So one day after school he confronted him.

"Midoriya? Are you alright?"

"What? Oh.. yeah, I'm fine, Todoroki. How are you?"

"I'm ok... are you sure you're ok, you don't look too good. It's concerning."

And Izuku didn't look good. He looked pale like the life had been drained from him, a dead man walking. And he was, but he couldn't let Todoroki know that. It would crush him. So he lied.

"Yeah, just a bit tired. I didn't sleep well last night. I was up too late studying" Izuku stuttered with a nervous laugh, "sorry for making you worry"

Todoroki knew, he just knew something was wrong. He wouldn't press Midoriya on it for now. He saw how uncomfortable it had made him, but he had to do something about it. So Todoroki went to the only other person he knew who could have answers; Bakugou. Bakugou was Midoriya's childhood friend, he had to know something. And he did know something. Bakugou was there at Inko Midoriya's funeral. They were nearing the one-year anniversary of her death. He was the only person at UA that knew and Todoroki was soon to find out.

Todoroki calmly approached Bakugou in the common room. It was early in the morning, the only time he could think of when he could get Bakugou alone. Now that he was here he didn't know what to say. Luckily it seemed like Bakugou was more than willing to initiate.

"The fuck you want Icyhot," Bakugou snapped.

"I have a question for you. It's about Midoriya"

"What about him"

Bakugou was on the offensive. He hated to admit it but he had grown a bit protective since Inko's death. Someone had to look after the nerd, he thought. So he did. He was there by Deku's side as he mourned. He helped keep people from bothering him about it. When people came to ask him about it he would simply respond that it was none of their business and they backed off. He didn't know why he wasn't doing that now. Maybe it was because he had noticed something strange about Deku too, he just needed someone else to validate that. One person noticing is a coincidence or even lunacy, but two people and you might be onto something. So he let Todoroki speak.

"Something is wrong. He hasn't been himself lately."Todoroki admitted, carefully choosing his words. He sensed that Bakugou might actually be willing to help him and he was not about to mess that up.

"And what does this have to do with me?"

Bakugou was willing to help. He just needed to know what Todoroki knew first. He wasn't about to spill Deku's secrets. He owed Deku at least that much.

"Last year when this happened you were there with him and he seemed better then. Now it's like he's dead inside. This is something different. I know that you know what happened last time. I was hoping you would know what's going on now"

"Fair a fucking-nough. I did know what was going on last time, but this time I have no fucking clue. I mean, it could be related but there's something different about this one. Honestly, at this point, I'm hoping it's just depression."

"He's been holding back in training. He looks like he's in pain most of the time and he's always exhausted. Last time he was just sad. This doesn't look like depression, Bakugou."

"You think I don't know that?"Bakugou snapped, clearly frustrated.

He sighed, "Look, I want to help you here but I have nothing. He hasn't told me anything. I can check on him if you want but I doubt he'd talk to me about it. He didn't last time. Only reason I knew what happened was because I was there. He couldn't hide it from me. Whatever this is I'm not the person he's opening up to this time"