I'm Sorry(a Matthew Espinosa fanfic)

Chapter 19

I woke up around 3:30pm and I was still laying on Matt's chest. Matt was awake and just watching tv. I got up and sat right in front of hi,. blocking his view of the tv.

"Good mornin' sleeping beauty." Matt said staring at me.

"Um.. it's not morning anymore smarty." I said giving him as much sass as possible.

"You know what? I could do without the sass, sassmaster." Matt said flashing a smile. I got up and bowed really dramatically mumbling 'thank you'.

"I WANT FOOD!" I said running out of my room and into the kitchen. I just heard Matt laughing and following my lead.

I run past my grandpa and look at the table for any new food items that people might have left. I saw a bunch of already made sandwiches, so I took one of those. Matt grabbed some sort of pastry thing that was there. We sat at the table and ate in complete silence.

When we both finished, we put our stuff away and made our way back to my room. We pass my grandpa again and I asked, "So are there any updates?"

My grandpa looked up from the tv and said, "They are releasing his body tomorrow. The wake should be on Wednesday and then the funeral Thursday."

"Oh, okay. Thanks." I said, dropping my head and walked into the guest room and onto the roof, Matt following close behind. I find my special spot where no one can see me from the ground and I sit down with the tears in my eyes threatening to spill over.

Matt sat right next to me and asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

I nod my head and just started talking. "It's just... If his body is coming tomorrow, that means I have to say goodbye sooner. And I don't want to say goodbye, Matt! He can't be gone. He's supposed to be there for me when I can't handle my mom anymore, or when Haley gets on my nerves, or just when I need someone to talk to. He needs to be there when I get married, when I have kids, Matt! This isn't fair! When Wednesday comes, that means that he will be gone forever and I have to accept it. But I don't want to." I finish, crying and shivering because it's so cold outside.

Matt pulled me into his side and just held me there, trying to warm me up/comfort me. He finally broke the silence when he said, "You know you don'y have to say goodbye, right?"

I just looked at him really confused and said, "What do you mean? Yes it does. When I see his ashes being buried, it's over. It's all over."

"Well he is getting cremated, so why don't you just ask your mom if you guys could just get a small portion of his ashes and bring them back home with us?" That was actually a really good idea.

Somehow, it got even colder and neither of us brought jackets with us outside so Matt just held me a little tighter, hoping there would be a little extra warmth. We just laid there for a while, just enjoying each others company. We stayed out there so long, that we got to see the sunset. All I could think was "Jovin would love this."

While Matt watched the sunset, I just looked up at him until he looked down at me and asked, "Why are you staring at me?"

"I heard what you said Matt." I said while I turned my head back towards the sunset.

"What? Wait, what are you talking about? I say a lot of things." He said trying to avoid the subject at hand.

"When we were watching movies and I fell asleep. You said you love me. Or was it just a dream? Because I really don't know anymore." I said as I looked back up at him.

"Oh, you must have just dreamt it." He said avoiding eye contact.

"Okay good. I didn't want things to be weird between us. You're my best friend, and I need you here with me." I said, as I grabbed his face, and made him look me in the eyes.

"I will always be here for you Layla. You can always count on me for anything." He said smiling and then he placed a small kiss on my forehead.