weltering flower

chapter -1: family or mental rollar-coster

Dexiva is the second child of her family. She was born in the desire of her parents to have a child. Her first sister, dani is the first child of her parents, first niece and is also the first granddaughter.

Though dexiva was born as a girl instead of a boy, her parents didn’t accuse her for that unlike some toxic  parents. But she is not loved by her parents like her other sisters. She cann't understand why.
She has to give everything to her other sisters because her elder sister is sick. She has an allergy to dust and her younger sister dallas is the youngest.

She often asks her mother, " why should i do that?/ why do i give everything to my other sisters?"
In return she just hears," you are the strongest, your elder sister has dust allergy. So,she can't do that and your younger sister is too young, you are now matured. Why you always compailns? Your other sister don’t do that. See your younger sister and learn something! "
She in reply used to ask, " just because i am younger or older doesn’t mean i have to do everything or i have to give everything. "
" you are strongest and the most intelligent among my children and that's why we hope the best from you and if you don't give them this little advantage then who will."
So, she had a belief that maybe my mother just have high hope for me or so did she thought. But it didn’t take long to break her trust in her.

One Day, she came back from college early and heard her elder sister saying, " among sisters, Dexiva in the most stupid. Am i right, Mam?" " Yes,definitely. "
As dexiva has somewhat  straight-forward parsonality,she directly goes to her mum, luna ans asked," didn’t you told me that i am the most intelligent among your children?"
"Yeah,i told that and you believed it?"
Dexiva could stop her and begain to cry.
Then her sister, deni said,"that's why you are a fool.mum said that casually and you believed it. This proves you are a stupid. It’s like calling water as fire."  Everyone laughs even her younger sisters.
After hearing those words, she couldn’t stop crying and also couldn’t utter a word. What will be the adventage of saying another word. This will only make   her feel and look like a fool. She just left the place. When this event happened she was just 17 years old.
Her being insulted and ignored didn't stop there. This is something that many individuals face specially  middle and unwanted child face.
Then she slowly stopped communicating and showing emotion. First, she did that to gain attention and she thought maybe they teased her but gradually she understood that she is really a fool. She is a fool to think that her family really loves her.
Her family do love her but don’t care and actually care comes when someone shows weakness. But she couldn't do that. It isn’t that she didn’t tried. She did but unfortunately it only made her more stupid to her parents and family.

In terms of education, she always did her best or tried to do so but there was always her parents to make things difficult. In 9th grade, she wanted to choose Humanities but her family forced her to choose Science. Her father always wanted that his a daughter will be doctor  as his elder daughter didn’t fulfilled his dream, he forced his second child, poor Daxiva. She never liked math. As a result she didn’t get A at math. After she enrolled in 11th grade,she tried to make a choice in her own life and so, she choose Humanities and to everyone's surprise, she did quite good. And her short good days begins.

Though she didn’t get any place in mid exam or class test, she get satisfectory mark . Then, she started reading and to her surprise, she got 2nd place at first half- yearly exam. She never read to get a place. She read beacause she really liked readin her subjects( History, Economics,Civics,Geography and obviously leatarature). She also never imagined to be in the second place. This all happened quickly.
One day, she arrived at College late but to her surprise, her class teacher didn’t didn’t anything and didn’t give her punishment. In her college (11-12 grade),late student are not allowed to attend class for 20 minutes and had to stand outside the class for 20 minutes. Sha that day asked her teacher to enter the class ( she is regular student and was never late for class) and her teacher allowed her to attend the class. She then sits in the last bance of the class as there was no empty sits. Her teacher asked her," Dexiva,do you know that you got 2 nd place in the exam. "  Dexiva noods in negetive.
"You got 2nd place Between both girls and boys."

This event made her family proud but new types of mental torture begains. Her father Mr.louis everyday comes to see check on her if she still reading or not. If he sees,she is not reading, he goes," whenever i come home all i see is you are either eating or sleeping. When you read? "
And if he sees her reading book, he says, " What are you reading?  In the morning, i saw you are reading geography( not true) , you are still reading geography! When you will read other subject? "
Her family always creates new way to tell that what is she doing is never enough. That's why, she became an introvert and emotion hiding person. This also had empect on her communication skills. As, she is hurt emotionally and little communication skill, she had few friends.