Tell a time when you were either bullied or left out.
A time when I was either bullied or left out? Since I started school. I didn't notice it, before I came to this school district. I saw everybody around me as equal and thought they saw me the same way. Until I came here, then I saw how everybody was.
They all formed these groups and shielded themselves from the others. The populars, the nerds, the jocks, the nobodies and the freaks. So when I moved here, everything was a shock. I didn't know anybody or anything and my only friend was the outcast, but I just wanted to fit in with everybody else. In my mind, I was still back at my old school.
That was the first school I was introduced to the different cliques. Those cliques carried up to middle school and I realized that I couldn't fit in with the others. Yeah, I made a few mistakes through the years, but my most hated mistake, is not realizing my true friends, sooner.
Rumors spread. I felt sick and nasty, every day because I wasn't like everybody else. Fat, ugly, monster, pig, gross. I never knew how much those words could hurt. I thought they didn't hurt, but now I realize they do. They did. I was called those names and more, so many times that I started believing it and I lost myself. I was who everybody wanted me to be. The fat, ugly, disgusting freak.
I also thought I would never turn out like the people I see on the television that hurt themselves to feel better. I thought I would be 'normal' and not do such things. But I did. I still do. I thought the cuts helped. I thought they would help fix me, but they are actually destroying me, little by little.
I've thought about it, before. Just ending it all. How nice it would be to not have to deal with everything. Not have to worry if I'm not perfect and if I don't fit in. I came close, once, too. I was so close to doing it but... I don't know... I guess I was too weak to die. If I didn't have so many attachments in this world. Maybe if I wasn't so stupid. Maybe, just maybe if nobody cared enough to stop me, I would have been there, instead of here, dealing with this shit.
You asked me to give you one time when I felt bullied or rejected, I gave you my life. I gave you everything I know. So what are you going to do about it? Try to help me? There is no help. I don't need nor want help. I want to be left alone. I don't see the point in sharing all of this, but I do see that others may rely on others to pity them. To help them. To tell them it will get better. But don't expect that from me. I don't want your pity I don't want your lies. I just want to be strong enough for people to actually notice that I am just like them.
Maybe, if I was stronger, you wouldn't be here, reading this, right now.
Maybe if I was stronger, I wouldn't be who I am today.
Maybe if I was stronger, nobody would care.
Maybe if I was stronger, this world would be weaker.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
We had this prompt in class, today. This is what I wrote. I didn't turn it in, though. No, those thoughts are for me to tell, when I'm ready and when I want.
Have a nice day and or night, kind sir and or madam.
-Psycho
