It Just Takes a While (CH)

Tenne-see-you-later

A few years ago, adding states other than the first 13 would have seemed like a far-off concept for the distant future. Now, it was 1796, just 20 years after the Declaration of Independence was ratified, and the 16th state was about to join the union: Tennessee.

I won't bore you with the individual introductions this time. He was met with a warm greeting by every state except New York and New Jersey, who each did something along the lines of saying 'good day' while staying a few feet away.

The New England states were once again nowhere to be found. It wasn't until he took a walk around the yard later that day that he met them.

"Howdy! You must be those other six states we couldn't find earlier! I'm Tennessee; I'm the sixteenth state as of today!

They were playing a game of marbles. When they heard his voice, they looked up momentarily, then back down again. The one with a boat on her flag held up a hand, which... could be interpreted as a greeting?

"Um... Howdy? What's up?"

One of them suddenly looked up.

"I'm Vermont. That's Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, and Connecticut. Dad told us to say that to 'avoid misunderstandings.' These hoodlums are just too stubborn to say it."

Massachusetts grunted.

"... Alright."

---

"Tennessee! There you are! Howdy do? You look down," Kentucky said as Tennessee walked in.

"I, um... I met the other states," Tennessee said, trying to look a bit more cheerful.

"I see."

"You-"

"Don't worry. I had the same concerns when I first joined the union. They don't hate you, they just... often have a hard time expressing themselves. It's a New England thing; it's kind of outside their control."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Yeah. And, they kind of shy away like horses at words like 'new' or 'change.' So give it a few weeks."

---

3 weeks later

"Tennessee?"

"Huh?"

It was Massachusetts.

"Have you seen my lobsters? I think they got away."

"I don't think so- Wait, do you have pet lobsters? How have I not seen them?"

"Not a pet. I caught them, and I was keeping them in a bucket to eat later. I think they got away."

"How'd they get away if they were dead?"

"When did I say they were dead?"

"What? I-"

"Lobsters rot fast, so you have to keep them in a bucket of water, alive, until it's time to cook them. And you have to eat it in, like, less than 36 hours. But Mass is purposefully not telling you that to confuse and disturb you." Rhode Island had suddenly appeared in the doorway.

"Jerk! I was going to draw that out for months!" Massachusetts said.

"You're welcome, Tennie. Now, I'm going to go put tomatoes in clam chowder." She smiled slyly.

"OH NO YOU ARE NOT!" shouted... the whole rest of New England, who had suddenly appeared? The conversation quickly devolved into an all-out brawl, which abruptly ended when Massachusetts' lobsters went scuttling across the kitchen floor, and it became an all-out lunch. The six states were suddenly so busy arguing about how much water to put in the large pot, how to stoke the fire, and how long to wait before cooking that they seemed to have forgotten Tennessee existed.

"Ay, flatlander! Hold this!" And he had a live lobster thrust into his hands.

Or maybe they hadn't.

Soon enough, the water was boiling, and New Hampshire took the lobster back. Rather than killing it and dropping it in the boiling water, she just dropped it in alive.

"That thing is still alive."

"Yeah," said Connecticut, confusedly. "What about it?"

"Sorry, Tennie. Forgot to tell you that part."

Tennessee stayed by their sides to watch how lobsters were cooked- it was pretty interesting. After all six were cooked, they were placed on plates, and a strange assortment of things were pulled out of kitchen drawers- a nutcracker, a pile of cloth napkins, and a tin bowl. New Hampshire took melted butter off of the stove, where it had been simmering a bit.

Each state sat down, and Tennessee sat down next to them. Then he looked down, and saw that a seventh lobster had appeared in front of him. That's not actually how reality works, but by all rights the characters in this story shouldn't exist, so give me a break. Massachusetts tapped the table, then slowly and deliberately he

-twisted the claw away from the body
-separated the knuckle
-carefully broke off the small part of the claw, leaving the meat all in the large part

He elbowed New Hampshire, and said, "I'm done going slow. Can you?"

"Fine."

She rolled her eyes and

-grabbed the nutcracker out of Vermont's hand
-broke the large part of the claw
-pulled out the meat and dipped it in butter, and
-checked for leg meat, and found none.

"Nope, nope, nope. I'm done. Monty?"

Vermont

-gripped the tail in one hand and the chest in the other
-Bent the tail away from the body
-Pulled out some odd green stuff, and

"This is its liver. Spread it on toast, eat it straight, leave it on the plate. All down to personal preference. Conn?"

Connecticut

-Bent the flippers away from the rest of the tail
-pulled out the meat from both
-ate it, and licked his fingers, and
-poked a finger into the end of the tail, causing a larger piece of meat to fall out.

"Rhode?"

Rhode Island

-peeled open the tail
-removed the digestive tract
-Dipped it in butter, and
-ate the last bit of meat.

It was then that Tennessee realized several things: That New York and Kentucky were watching proudly from the other room, that they were all covered in butter and lobster juices, and that he had been talking and laughing with New England for the last fifteen minutes.

Today had been a good day.