this is me trying | taylor swift

twenty five

❝all this time i didn't know you were breakin' down, i'd fall to pieces on the floor if you weren't around. too young to know it gets better, i'll be summer sun for you forever❞

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

"Sweetheart, if you keep pacing like that, you're going to dig a hole to the center of the Earth. Plus, you're ruining my pansies," Andrea called out from the family home, as she stood right next to the French doors, a steaming cup of tea in hand.

"Sorry, Mom," Taylor apologized as she stopped in her tracks and pulled the jacket she was wearing closer to her body. She could see swirls of condensation in the air with every word from the frigid temperatures.

"Are you okay? Come inside," Andrea questioned, wondering why her oldest was doing laps in the backyard in the freezing cold.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just waiting for a call from Tree. I'll be in soon," Taylor lied to which Andrea eyed her daughter inquisitively, once more, before nodding and closing the door, leaving Taylor alone with her thoughts once more.

Taylor squeezed her eyes shut as she replayed the last few hours in her head. What started off as a Thanksgiving dinner led to a near-positive confirmation for Taylor, and she was still trying to wrap her mind around it.

Taylor's heart ached at the thought of her baby sister struggling with exactly what she had struggled with nearly a decade prior. She wanted answers -- she had no idea how long Ella had been struggling and why she felt this way in the first place. Was it because of school? Dance? Did it have to do with being in the limelight as Taylor's sister? Why? There were so many questions running on a never-ending loop in Taylor's head as she wiped the tears off her cheeks with her numb fingers, finally realizing just how cold it was outside. 

✮

"Anyways, yeah it fucking sucks here, El. You're lucky you're home," Kenna complained over FaceTime to Ella for the sixth time during the hour-long call. The brunette was not enjoying her time in Pennsylvania visiting her family, and she made sure everyone knew it. 

Ella laughed, shaking her head knowingly, before talking to Kenna some more and finally hanging up, when it was nearing midnight. "Bye, Kenny. I love you!"

"Bye, El. Love you too," Kenna grumbled and Ella blew her a kiss, before ending the call. 

Thanksgiving had gone as well as expected, in Ella's opinion. She had been able to eat her food and not look suspicious. After dinner, the teenager had returned to her room and promptly returned to her bedroom and forced her body to expunge itself of the nutrients she had just consumed. Thankfully, she only had a maintain her façade for a few more days, because that was when her brother was coming, which meant that Taylor's attention would not be focused just on her. And while she loved her sister, every day that passed meant they were one day closer to her departure from Tennessee and Ella could go back to flying under her parents' radar. 

While the teenager spent time in her room, recounting the events of the evening while watching an episode of Gossip Girl (which she had originally started watching as a joke to annoy Blake, but quickly became obsessed with. However, it was indeed uncomfortable for her to her to see Blake in certain scenes, and she fast-forwarded past said scenes every time), she had no idea that Taylor was just a couple rooms down, brainstorming how to approach her with the secret she had tried to hard to hide over the past year. 

✮

She was just going to do it.

She was going to get up, walk to Ella's room, and bring it up.