The Hatred of a Killer

3

I was nervous waiting there for her.

I tried to distract myself walking up and down the gravel parking lot, waiting for any car to pull up.

Part of me wants to call her but I also don't want to seem desperate or clingy. She said she'd be here at 9:00 am and it's only 8:58.

We haven't really been texting or anything. I only got out of the hospital 2 days ago and I guess she's giving me time to take everything in. Maybe she thinks it'd be weird to bother a stranger. After all, I barely remember the night we met. Still, I have the weird longing to see her again. She doesn't know it but she never really was a stranger to me. I can't quite explain it but it's like some part of me has always known her.

All I know is I feel this inexplicable sense of really missing her. Maybe it's because she saved my life, or who knows, maybe it's just because she's astonishingly beautiful.

Regardless, I miss Emma.

Suddenly a white suv pulls up and my hopes skyrocket. The windows are tinted heavily so I can't see inside but the car immediately pulls over and the driver's door swings open quickly to reveal a gorgeous grinning Emma.

"Jessie!" She exclaims happily.

We walk to each other quickly and I'm surprised when she pulls me into a tight hug. I like it and bury my head into her shoulder. We stay there a few seconds too long until she pulled away.

"It's really good to see you again." She grins.

"I'm happy you wanted to do this."

"I'll just be really honest with you if you want, Jessie."

I'm nervous about whatever she might say but I nod for her to continue anyway.

"See I know you don't remember it very well but when we met at that Halloween party...well...I don't know how to explain it but it felt really good being around you. There's this thing my friend Iris once told me about. A soul friend. Basically it's like the platonic equivalent of a romantic soulmate. A soulmate friend if you will. Sometimes it stays as just that, sometimes it evolves into...more. Well, see, I know this is pretty forward of me to just throw out there, but I felt that with you. I felt like you might be my soul friend."

I feel my chest grow warm from Emma's confession and my face along with it. I'm sure I look like an idiot but I'm feeling a lot. I think some of it is relief that Emma is describing some of the same things I'm feeling, but also there's a lot of emotion I can't quite explain yet.

"Oh please say something Jessie. I'm sorry if that was way too stupid to say I just-"

"No." I interrupt. "I'm sorry. That's not why I was quiet. I uh, I feel the same way I think. I don't remember much from the other night but I do remember some feelings I was going through. I think that makes sense actually. Soul friend...I like it."

Emma grins again and pulls me in for another hug. When she releases me again she takes a step back and runs her fingers through her hair as some sort of nervous fidget.

"So..." I smile "want to see the waterfall?"

The hike to my favorite spot in town is probably only 10 minutes from the nearby gravel parking lot but it takes Emma and I a good 20 minutes to get there. I think it's because we were walking slow and talking the whole time. Just taking things in. She wanted to know how I was doing post seizure. I tried to play it off like I wasn't worried at all and that I'd been fine but something felt wrong even lying just a tiny bit. I ended up confessing to her that a doctor had offered to do an MRI and told me to consider it and that I was going to think about it. Emma was relieved to hear that my initial work up went really well and that the MRI would just be an extra precaution if I chose to do so. After talking about me for a while I wanted to know more about her.

I apologized for asking any repetitive questions that I hadn't remembered asking on Halloween but Emma was very kind about it and made me at least feel like everything I asked was a new question. I found out she's an only child, is a working musician, and has a dog named Rocky. Upon talking to her more about her family, I noticed some discomfort in asking about her parents, and the only thing she really said was that she loved them and they loved her but that they weren't in each other's lives anymore. Hearing this made me sad for her but I didn't want her to know that so I quickly changed the topic to point out that we were almost at the waterfall.

When we get there I freeze. I look at Emma and she's frozen too. Something about the beauty of nature can do that to a person. We watch the water pouring over the tower of rough cliff rocks seemingly hovering over the stream below. It's gorgeous. I look back to Emma and she's gorgeous too. I smile.

"What are you smiling at cowboy?" She asks me.

"The waterfall." I respond, clearly lying as I continue staring directly into her hypnotic green eyes.

"The waterfall, huh?" She chuckles.

"Yeah." I grin. "The waterfall."

———————————
10 Months Later
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Paula smiles as I recount Emma and I's first time at the waterfall together.

"So..." she asks "you hung out again after that?"

"Yeah; practically every day."

"That's a lot of time to spend with one person. Did you have any secret motives or anything? Any extra feelings maybe?"

"I definitely had feelings for Emma but not the kind you're probably thinking of. At least, not then."

"So what was your relationship then? Friends."

"Not friends. Soul friends."

"Right." Paula nods. "Soul friends."

Paula appears to be deep in thought. I know a big question is coming and I'm almost nervous for it. It's been so long since I've talked to anyone about Emma. In fact, I think the last time I've ever even said her name before therapy with Paula was the day at the hospital with her parents. I feel my spine shiver as I remember that dreadful day and my eyes start to tear up.

"I see you're thinking of something." Paula speaks softly. "Do you want to talk about it."

"There's not much to talk about. I just miss her."

"And you feel guilty?" Paula asks.

I nod.

"Yes. And I feel guilty."